Motherhood

I did not always believe that I was meant to be a mother. In high school, in college, when I was struggling with fertility and then sustaining pregnancy, when our oldest had sensory issues, when Hazel cried for hours at a time, and as my two oldest had simultaneous screaming at the top of their lungs meltdowns in the grocery store while I was on a fairly important phone call (hence the meltdowns, I know)

...all of those times I didn't really believe that I was a right fit for motherhood.

And then tonight, as I was pouring over medical journals, printing off important studies, and highlighting articles, something dawned on me. Not all mothers are prepared in the same way, and my life experiences have been preparing me to be my children's mother for quite some time.

In high school I was taught how to research, and then how to form educated opinions based on said research, and most importantly, how to voice those opinions in a somewhat cohesive manner.

In college, I was further taught about statistics, learned important milestones in child development, studied genetics, and learned how to effectively advocate for change in the public health arena. And, because I have taken so long to graduate I still have access to many forms of research I would not have otherwise.

I have been prepared to advocate for my children for over ten years. I have been prepared to understand their specific needs and my girls' rare blood disorder.

So no, I might not be a mother in the same way other women are. I might not have wanted children from a young age like other women. But Heavenly Father blessed me to know how and when to fight for my children. He gave me the knowledge and courage it takes to question experts and say "That isn't good enough." 

God allowed me to have life experiences that prepared me for my specific experience in motherhood.

And tonight...
I finally realized that I am good enough to be my children's mother. This is what I was meant to do. It is not all I am meant for, but it is the most important thing I have done in my life thus far and it is the most important thing I am doing right now.

I am meant to be a mother. 

I find it somewhat amusing it took me fighting for my children to figure that out.

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