Sunday, February 28, 2016

Am I Allowed to Miss Her...

I don't write this for sympathy or to illicit "I'm sorry"s. If you take away anything from this I hope that you realize how stupid distracted driving is and maybe you prioritize those you love a little more.

The other day while driving home I had the realization that I forgot my mom used to be able to walk... and then all the things she used to be able to do flooded into my mind.

She used to send the perfect birthday present... and remember my birthday... have conversations for more than 30 minutes and remember them... she travelled... she ran a marathon... she went grocery shopping by herself and watched after grandkids without supervision... she wasn't in constant pain that wakes her up most nights... she could soak in a hot bath unassisted... She was an amazing nurse.

That list could go on and on.

I try not to think about it, because her accident makes me angry.
I am mad at the distracted truck driver who rear ended her, dragging the car she was in the length of three (?) football fields.
I am furious at his insurance company who wouldn't simply pay for the cost of her car or healthcare unless court ordered to.
I am frustrated that our healthcare system is so broken that a woman who provided for her family and took care of others for years doesn't receive all of the care she needs based on a technicality.
I feel guilty that we aren't closer to help out more.
I am saddened when I think about the fact that this accident most likely took quantity of years from her and definitely took quality of life from her.
And then I have to forgive so many people all over again.

My mom isn't a perfect person, and she wasn't before the accident either. But she was herself, and that was taken from us, from her.
I don't want to sound bitter, and I am grateful she is still alive. However, most days it feels like I only get glimpses of that woman, and truth be told I miss my mom.

Questions answered:
Her accident happened in January of 2011
My mom has a TBI or traumatic brain injury. Each TBI acts differently, my mom's has caused physical damage much like a stroke and the mental injury is long and difficult to explain. But we love her and her Shelley Shuffle so much!

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Manic Monday

I typically enjoy Mondays. They're a fresh start, something to look forward to after the weekend. But last Monday was long and a series of disasters brought about by yours truly. I accidentally locked Roland in the car. Thankfully he was buckled into his car seat. But when Roland gets upset in the car he takes his shoes and socks off and if he has his cup he pours his water/milk on himself... so that happened. The fear of frivolous lawsuits left the Sheriff's office unwilling to help us. Our location left us with no locksmith willing to come out (I even tried bribing a few with extra money). Finally after my third call to the local authorities (Did I mention I locked my phone in as well, so I was using a neighbour's?) they found a locksmith an hour away who was willing to help.
In the meantime I found the only wire hanger in our house, a screwdriver, and a paint stick, sat Hazel in front of her favourite nature movie and attempted to break into my car with the reluctant help of a Constable. In the meantime, a friend came and picked up Hazel.
Eventually the locksmith showed up. The door was unlocked, and aside from a mild case of hypothermia Roland is fine.

That night I dropped a heavy (ish) lamp on my foot, causing a bruised bone that turned into a hairline fracture.
And Hazel was sick the entire week.

I don't know if it was lack of sleep, Gabe being gone, or just an off day but of truly hope tomorrow is back to the Monday I know and love.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Roland Turns Two

This morning I woke up to a two year old climbing into bed with me at 5:30 ... soaking wet because he had peed out of his diaper. After stripping his bed and ours, changing my pjs and his, both kids were awake.

However, I was more than okay with it because of how excited I was for Roland to see his present. His excited giggles and "Oh Mommy." confirmed that our choice was a good one. He rode on his bike all day and listened to The Wiggles soundtrack all morning.

I have a 2 year old... Goodness. He is wonderful and kind and smart and shy and brave and curious.

He gets hangry if he doesn't eat every two hours and needs a solid nap and a good nights sleep.

He loves reading and outside, shoes but not socks, his sister, and chin rubbing.

He runs around seemingly non-stop. He is obsessed with cars, puppies, The Wiggles, and music.

But more than any of that he is our son and I am so grateful I get to be his mom and watch him learn and grow.