I tend to do things backwards when it comes to stress and crisis. If there is a death, divorce, life altering accident... etc I am calm, cool, collected, and faithful.
But it is the little things that tend to stress me out the most. Times when faith is required, but I feel silly for needing it.
Rewind to a little over a month ago: Roland had been continually sick since before Christmas. We initially thought he was clingy and fussy over the break because he was introduced to numerous people but after he had a rash that wouldn't go away and a consistent fever I decided to take him to the Dr. It turned out he had a double ear infection, fifths disease, a cold, and allergies. I cried on the way home because that kid is such a little trooper. Gabe helped me take care of him and we were so grateful to have our happy and healthy Roland back.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago: Roland was well enough to get his one year immunizations on time, and so we jumped at the chance. We also found out at his appointment that 70% of his airway is being blocked by his adenoids (they're located across from the tonsils). A few days later he began showing symptoms that are associated with the MMR vaccine: runny nose, high grade fever, and congestion. All of these symptoms turned out to not be side effects of his shots but RSV and a mild case of bronchitis.
However, because of sickness.combined with his adenoids Roland couldn't breath very well and in order to get him to sleep at all I had to sit up with him, next to the humidifier.
Whether it was due to lack of sleep or my immune system being lame due to pregnancy I also caught RSV.
Then, Gabe who had been having moderate back issues herniated a disc in his spine and was unable to move very much for several days. In order to take him to the doctor we had to find a way for him to lay on his stomach in our little car, with Roland next to him in the backseat.
I remember one night after giving a screaming Roland and a hurting Gabe all of their meds (they both had so many I had their schedules written on a white board, like a hospital) I just sat down and cried. I was utterly exhausted, my house looked chaotic, and I felt like garbage. In the meantime I was doing my best to take care of my husband and son while being pregnant and sick but also resented the situation I was in because in reality all I wanted was to be able to take medicine that actually did something for me and curl up in bed and sleep.
Because I don't think I should be able to sweat the small stuff it usually stacks up like this and becomes a big issue. And usually I have Gabe to lean on, but in this instance he was in too much pain or delusional on medicine to lend support
I learned a valuable lesson about God and His grace through all of this: it is for the little things too.
We don't need a huge crisis to ask for help or support. We don't even have to be in any sort of crisis to ask for help. It is okay to not be independent sometimes, and to be humble enough to recognize the need for help even in the small things.
Or put more eloquently "Not only does the Atonement of Jesus Christ overcome the effects of the Fall of Adam and make possible the remission of our individual sins and transgressions, but His Atonement also enables us to do good and become better in ways that stretch far beyond our mortal capacities. Most of us know that when we do things wrong and need help to overcome the effects of sin in our lives, the Savior has made it possible for us to become clean through His redeeming power. But do we also understand that the Atonement is for faithful men and women who are obedient, worthy, and conscientious and who are striving to become better and serve more faithfully? I wonder if we fail to fully acknowledge this strengthening aspect of the Atonement in our lives and mistakenly believe we must carry our load all alone—through sheer grit, willpower, and discipline and with our obviously limited capacities." (David A Bednar)
I really hope I can remember this lesson, because I have zero desire to repeat the learning process.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
One of the many reasons it is a bad idea for me to use the bathroom alone these days...
For the record, Roland thought it was a wonderful idea and ate the crackers to his heart's content before we cleaned up...
But apparently he was still a bit hungry...