I don't know how to be something you miss...

The other day I was going through our storage when I found all twenty-six letters that I wrote Gabe while he was on his mission... as I read through them I realized how much I missed him while he was gone those two years (I really wish I still had all the ones he wrote me... recanting tells of banana eating contests and Christmas cards) I had found in Gabe my truest friend and I didn't know how to say goodbye to that for two years. I had broke up with guys before, but never my best friend. I didn't know how to handle it.

The first time we said goodbye was in the living room of my dingy garage apartment. He walked out the door and then came back for one last bye. I watched him get into his dad's truck so they could take him back to Kansas at the end of our first year of college. I sat on my couch and watched I am still not sure what... for hours. He text me lyrics to cheesy songs and I fell asleep.

The last time we saw each other before his mission we said goodbye in the basement of his house in Kansas. We were playing pool and he was uploading all of his music on my computer, just in case something happened to it while he was gone. Run by Snow Patrol came on and we both just stood there. I left his house with a favorite t-shirt and cried for most of the fifteen hour drive back to Utah. 

The last time we talked on the phone we officially broke up (we would have broke up long before but we had this competition going, I had never had a guy break up with me and he had never broke up with a girl, I was determined to break my record and he was determined to keep his going) I say he broke up with me but I am sure he would argue. We got off the phone and that was it. We played phone tag a few times but nothing else happened except a few texts.

I figured out life while he was gone and I was glad for the chance to get to know myself a little bit more. I was just fine. But, I am glad I have my best friend back. For good this time.

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