Tuesday, January 31, 2012

we found love in a hopeless place...

isn't it kind of funny how when something happens we have a hard time catching our breath... like it has become so consuming that our brain stops for just a split of a second and we have to remind ourselves to breathe

shall we call it the human condition?

you know... that feeling of despair and loss. hurt and confusion.thinking that there is no way that you could be more alone in this moment. wondering how something could really hurt THIS much.

who hasn't experienced that feeling?

from the poor child in Africa, stomach pooching out from hunger to the rich elite who never want for those things money can buy but can't seem to grasp true joy.

the human condition isn't one you can claim all for yourself, it is part of being on this earth. it is as much a part of the human experience as breathing. it does not discriminate based on color, sex, age or socioeconomic condition.

some have experienced the human condition more than others... some have become so hardened they no longer believe in it.

but it is there, crashing its way through families, imposing itself on seemingly perfect lives. paralyzing us with fear.

some hide it, others uncomfortably expose it to the world. each unique but seemingly similar condition calls for its own reaction.

and really... there isn't much more that I can say except you are loved. I promise.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Heather and Chelsea turn 24...

last weekend Gabe and I went out with a few of our friends to celebrate  our friend Chelsea turning 24. the night ended with us at Mark and Chelsea's where Chelsea and I convinced our husbands to let us do this:

(yep, those are Gabe's toes painted yellow with blue sparkles. mine are the creepy looking feet with those awesome scars on them)

my birthday has been playing out for the last few days. Friday I had a wonderful hour long, full body massage. it was soo fantastic. and then they told me my hip was dislocated and that was the reason I had a weird lump on my back. all in all eventful but relaxing. 

when I had been sitting at work for a few hours these showed up for me:

(yes that is a coffee mug in the shape of a pig's head in the background)

that night we went out to eat. where the waitress amused us by putting a candle in my dessert
 and then went to Color Me Mine for some ceramic fun. Gabe was mocking it the entire time... but he secretly loved it. there was this kid playing acoustic on his guitar in the background, and it wasn't the lame "I can only get a gig at a Mormon coffee shop" type of thing. he knew some serious tunes and Chelsea and I enjoyed singing along. Gabe and Mark worked so intently on their pieces. I have never seen Mark concentrate on anything that long... and Gabe was so meticulous making sure each detail was exact. It was an enjoyable night.

Saturday night my girl Laura came with us up to SLC.
Gabe got a haircut from the fabulous Ashley at Landis Salon. (seriously, she is the best. if you are needing some hair services let me know and I will hook you up) then we went to Vintos, where it was PACKED due to Sundance. Gabe swears he saw Christian Bale. we finished up the night at a quaint little gelato shop. I suppose it seems simple enough, nothing terribly out of the ordinary (except for the food... ohh how wonderful that food tasted) but it was perfect. it was warm, and friendly. I love those two girls so much and I love my husband for enjoying time out with us.

tonight was fantastic as well... but that is another post for another day.

It is time for me to cuddle up to this handsome man and watch a classic:

Thursday, January 26, 2012

for the times that you wanna go and bust rhymes real slow...

there are a few things that can cheer me up when I am in a funk:

-the husband
-a long run that involves rap and Brand New
-a hot bath while watching a rom com on my lap top
-friends who just let me vent for a little bit

. . . and most recently, Weezer. It reminds me of when my brother was one of my closest friends, I was still the smartest kid in my class, I cared about basketball more than boys and we had a pet chinchilla.

I had so many insecurities but when I was with my brother or Lyndi, listening to Weezer none of it mattered. . .

I was on top of the world. I felt cool (which, if you knew me then, you know it couldn't be further from the truth)

so... thanks Matt and Lyndi

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I am entirely grateful for a husband who takes care of me while I am sick...

I am grateful I do not have class tomorrow until 10am

I am grateful I have a job to go to everyday

I am grateful I have so much in my life to look forward to

 I would write more but it seems the combination of sitting up and typing has the toilet bowl calling out the contents of my stomach

Monday, January 23, 2012

Chinese New Year Resolutions

because I am so punctual... well really because I have been pondering about it I have taken far too long to come up with a few resolutions for this next year. I wanted them to be achievable, and I wanted to be able to work on them without losing myself or my husband in the process of a goal. this is what I have come up with:

1. the 10-20-70 plan. budgeting is one of our weak spots. it isn't that we don't save money, because we do. the issue is we are so busy all the time that sometimes our spending money gets spent frivolously and then we are left with more wants and needs than we should for the amount of money we spend. I often feel guilty for needing new clothes (Gabe persuaded me to take a look at my Sunday wardrobe this week and decide to buy a few more items) or wanting some things.
So here it is: we give 10% to our church we save 20% (the tax return ALL gets put into savings) and we can spend 70%
If we keep our budget for a full month then we both get to pick something out with the money we saved or save up for a big purchase (I think by the end of the year we will own a 3DS... we shall see)

2. make healthier choices
from food consumption to exercise habits it is no secret 2011 was lacking, and a couple of added pounds would have to agree it is time for an overhaul. so far this year we are having a lot of fun with discovering different fruits and vegetables we both enjoy. Gabe is starting to get his run on again and I have found a great new exercise partner who goes to the gym with me 3x a week

3. more conscious decisions.
from how much time I spend watching tv to writing in my journal and giving service I want to make a better effort at doing things on purpose. Is it time for a schedule? Did I really just mention a schedule...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

pretty pretty please...

sometimes I want to speed through events in my life, especially the ones that everyone else is already finished with or almost finished with. the ones that I will accomplish in my own due time because lets face it my life is not on the normal track of things.

like getting my four year degree (when in all actuality I have only spent 5 semesters at school)

or having some faint idea of where we are going to live after college (because we will go where ever grad school and jobs take us)

or having cute little babies and having the privilege of being a stay at home mom and house wife (yes, I am jealous but at the same time realize this isn't our time and enjoy it)

or traveling the world on humanitarian missions (cheesy? you  might think so but I have been dreaming up various ideas of how to do this while raising a family since I was 7)

I have been told that I have too high expectations for life at times, but I think in all actuality I have too little patience for those things I have wanted for so long (a stable place to have a home base, humanitarian work)
and for those things that have caught me by surprise (how important a college education has become to me, being a stay at home anything)

me, impatient? I know... shocking

Saturday, January 14, 2012

I know that you know that I'm not telling the truth..

Gabe and I are so different in many ways,
 I want a motorcycle, he had me promise to not get one (unless he dies, because he says I will soon be joining him)

I leave my towel on the floor, and his is hung back up sometimes before he is dressed

I like going to bed before midnight, he prefers waking up around noon

but, there is one thing we both can't stand... scary movies. he thinks they're poorly written with lame plots. me? I get more scared over those dumb movies than I do real life...

 the other night, some people were over and we watched Darkness Falls

(sorry for talking so much Brid... :/)

and even though Gabe wasn't scared, he was okay with me having us stay up to watch an episode (or two) of Psych on Netflix before going to bed

Thursday, January 12, 2012

just a little bit...

sometimes our souls need healing, damaged beyond what we think we have been prepared for or can handle

for me that healing comes from prayer and my husband, music and dear friends...
and a long run as soon as time permits

I take a deep breath, one at a time, in and out.
and just when the breathing starts to seem too much, a text full of genuine support

twenty minutes and about 250 breaths later I hear three lines from a beautiful Cadenza that take me to a peaceful place

three minutes later, when I think it has been an hour my husband cracks a joke in hopes of making me smile, because that's what he does (makes me smile)

I love homework... because it is difficult enough I don't have to think about anything else...

I hate time because it is ticking towards what I dread

but it is also ticking towards healing... and towards that really long run.

Friday, January 6, 2012

if no one is beside you...

There is an old man who stops by my office every afternoon. He slumps a bit, has straight white hair with a mustache to match and is almost always wearing an over sized black stocking cap and suspenders. Everyday he says "Hello" in his deep singsong voice. Every Friday he asks if I am ready for the weekend.

Somehow there is comfort in his consistency. 

Yesterday, our fantastic roommate moved out and on to more adventures in her life. As we were texting our goodbyes to one another (after all she will be returning to visit often) she said something that stuck out to me:

"safe always wins over exciting in the end"

I thought about that for a moment and contemplated the truth of it. There is something to be said for exciting, it is almost always new, and I am almost positive endorphins are released in the process of it all. Sometimes, exciting is needed to jump start a new aspect of life.

But when the new wears off what is it that we are left with? I think about the start of new school years, impromptu trips with friends, traveling to new places, having new experiences...

I love meeting new people, trying new foods, traveling places and the idea of a new experience but not over the prospect of interaction with those I love.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in self discovery and I plan on traveling far and wide. But more than that, I plan on returning home when I am finished with it all.

After all, in the end exciting is a lonely place if there is no one to enjoy it with.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

note to self: going to bed at 2am the night before the first day of the semester is unacceptable.

School has once again started... new classes... new professors... new books... new majors

Yep, Gabe and I both changed majors. I know you're shaking your head at me but the good news is I will be graduating with my undergrad at the same time I would have otherwise. Gabe on the other hand will have a few more semesters. However, he is already loving his new classes and the possibilities of careers or grad school.

We both started this semester under the weather and so we are hoping for an uneventful weekend in order to recuperate in time for our already demanding classes which resume on Monday.

In between Christmas and the start of school we have had one birthday party, two guests in our apartment, three people's belongings move out, four sickies, and five meals at home (we are getting better at not eating out).

New Year resolutions soon to follow. I hope you all are enjoying 2012 as we are.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Welcome to Ogden

I hope that our year will go as well as our New Year's Eve... surrounded by those we are just getting to know, friends and those who might as well be family:

I had my first ever New Years kiss (last year Husband was sick and fell asleep early), from my best friend.

We showed some people how to play Canasta (don't even tell me it is for old people)

James snuck off to talk to his favorite person

Bridian kept us all on our toes in a grueling game of NERTS

We laughed and joked, just soaking in the last few hours of the year

I loved glancing over at Gabe periodically throughout the night, knowing that through everything this last year he has been next to me and that I would get to be next to him for countless years to come

Our lives have definitely gone in a different direction than we thought we wanted, only to discover the path we are on is what we needed more than anything.

Happy New Year to you and yours