I should probably be sleeping... or cleaning off the pile of clothes on our bed... or unpacking the suitcases and putting away all of our things. But my brain is turning quickly and so much has changed in such a small amount of time that I am okay with spending some time sorting through it all on here, dumping the clothes on the top of the dresser and trying again in the morning.
Christmas break was lovely (I promise I will post more later), the only thing I could ask for was more time with those we love and less time driving.
On the way out to Kansas we stopped for some food, where we were reminded that there are some very ignorant people in the world. Sometimes, I forget that people still have unprecedented prejudices against Mormons, that someone can hate me without even bothering to understand my beliefs, that I can be made to feel so little in such a small amount of time. I know that not everyone believes what I do but this was beyond that, this was cruelty and hatred. This was a harsh reminder of the impact of words, more importantly my words. I have stuck my foot in my mouth more than once, but I hope I never do so on purpose, out of malice or ignorance.
Due to copious amounts of driving there was plenty of opportunity for discussion and deep thought throughout the trip. I realized that I am still a doormat sometimes, but it has nothing to do with my ability to stand up for myself. I let people walk all over me because I ache for them. I see a need and I have the desire to fill it. Sometimes, that is perfectly okay and I am able to give without becoming a place for shoes. I love being able to serve others and wish I could do more. However, sometimes people take advantage of it. Thankfully, Gabe usually catches it early on and lets me know when lines have been crossed. However, it isn't like these people charged across the lines, swords ablaze. I let them cross, I enable them and say "Hey, take a piece of me, no big deal." I don't value my time or efforts enough. I want to change that, and I am working on it. I get better with each year I suppose.
I am spent... More will come later. For now, sleep has my time.