Friday, September 30, 2011

sometimes it's nice to get out some of the jumble...

I've been blogging a lot as of late. Maybe it's because I have way too much going on in this head of mine and need a place to dump it all, or maybe it's a distraction from my addiction to television that I am trying to break (Seriously, I used to be fine without having any channels. Then, I got to the point where I had a show on every night. No thank you.)

Whatever it is here I am and I am not sure where exactly this post is going... feel free to stop reading at any time.

I start on research this next semester. Gabe starts into his major. I know I keep saying it feels like we are adults, but then something else happens, another major step and I think "Oh, now I feel like an adult." Then there are those nights where we make a drink run at 11:30 and then make out in the parking lot and I think "Meh... I'll give it a few more years.."

Today I text a friend, expecting to get back a one line response and then go on. But somehow I think she knew I needed more than that... She confided in me. She allowed me to stop focusing on myself and remember that I am not the only one with dreams and aspirations.Sometimes that is all it takes for me to realize what I have been given and what I need to become.

And on my last final and random note, is anyone else as stoked for General Conference as I am?

Thursday, September 29, 2011

more than pipe dreams...

today I came across the following on my newsfeed:
"The highest paid TV actresses bring in $13 million just for doing their dream jobs. If money didn't matter and there were no obstacles in your way, what would your dream job be?"
I had to think about it for about .5 seconds before "to be a mom" came into my head. It's true. I love school and I love getting my education but I am so looking forward to those days when I have the privilege of being a mother.

I don't care who says I'm throwing away so much potential or my intellect. I will have to use both of those things and much more each day as I strive to be a mother who knows.

I have a lot of dreams and I plan on achieving each one. But the biggest and most important one is my family.
What would Hawaii, a career in public health that impacts others or becoming a licensed pilot be without them there to cheer me on?

In the meantime I get to be wife, student, sister, and daughter. And thoroughly enjoy other people's adorable kids.

Monday, September 26, 2011

words they flow...

one of my all time favorite movie quotes is as follows:
 "Oh, just out dealing with things way beyond my maturity level"

Why? Because sometimes it describes my life far too perfectly. Like this weekend... I could say that is what I was doing the majority of the weekend with no exaggeration.

And because I am not always the most mature or wise individual I can get overwhelmed. But then I come across quotes like this:
Wherever you are, whatever the circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you, with an infinite love. - Dieter F Uchtdorf
Then I re-evaluate things a little bit. I remember that I am loved. I remember that I actually don't have it that bad. I remember that I will be more than okay.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

sometimes I really do feel for Gabe.

Like when we have 10 minutes before church starts and he says "We're going to be late" as I start to curl my hair only to throw it up in a ponytail because I decided I don't care....

Or when I mix up days of the week and frantically get out of bed because I have to get ready for my 8am class that is actually not for two more days...

Or when I manage to loose my third debit card within the year and yet he still lets me take his to go get something I really think I need.

Or when some crazy member of my family does yet another crazy thing (crazy being overused to encompass mental, physical and emotional states) and I get a phone call about it...

He seems to put up with quite a bit, so I can't really blame him as he rolls his eyes while I'm looking for my phone which turns out to be in my pocket.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

feeling a bit nostaligic

which is why I am going to share two completely random and humorous stories with you from Gabe and I's past.

The first needs a bit of an explanation. LDS/Mormon weddings are not like your regular wedding. In fact. there is only an exchanging of rings if the bride and groom (or in our case our parents) want one and there is no cute little person/animal carrying the rings down the aisle. Which meant that I was responsible for carrying Gabe's ring. Since my dress was short on pockets I ended up sticking it on my thumb. As I was getting ready to go in to be married my Aunt Karen and mom were doing final preparations when my Aunt says "Let's get rid of the thumb ring" as she looked warily at Gabe's wedding band. We all laughed when I explained that it was his ring and that was the only reason I had it on. I love this story because my Aunt was helping to make sure everything was perfect for our wedding day and because a few years ago I would have possibly worn a big bulky thumb ring.

Random story #2 (this one might be a tad bit more amusing).
Those of you know who know Gabe know that he is obsessed with the color green Freshman year of college he had this green outfit:

what you cannot see is his green shoes that he wore as well. One night we were talking and somehow the subject of fashion came up and he said he dressed better than I did arguing that my outfit didn't match (it probably didn't to be honest). He was wearing his green outfit, and argued it matched because they were all shades of green. I laughed and just left it alone. Later on I found out that as a result of this incident he would regularly ask our friend James (who is a pretty classy dresser) if Gabe's clothes matched before he would come and hang out with me.

Oh how I love my husband, and my Aunt Karen.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Ode to Autumn

you might notice that I have a blog with this title every year.

but probably not because let's be honest, no one really cares that much about this thing. the point is, I absolutely adore, am infatuated with, obsess over Autumn/ Fall.(And I changed my mind... I like the name Autumn Eaton.)

There is something about this weather that is almost therapeutic for me...the colorful leaves...eating apples with that fresh crunch sometimes dipped in warm gooey caramel... snuggling up to my husband in the morning because of the nice bite to the air... sweaters and boots and flannel and wearing my hair down without breaking into a sweat... pumpkin flavored things and cozy socks... college football... school is still new...

Okay, I am pretty sure you get it.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

and it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer unto Father time

we are finally moved out of the old apartment into the new house. I forgot how much I love living in a house (even if it's the basement). I love our little white gate, and our doorbell, and the fact that we all have our own space.

I am still figuring out what to put where... we have too much space and not enough things. Such a sad predicament, right?

I look forward to painting and decorating. I wish my mom was here to help, that is something she is so incredibly talented in. And while we cannot agree on clothes my mother is especially talented at helping a person's personality come through their decorations. She is also great at finding quality things for discount prices.

My mom is sick again. I think we all thought that after her wreck she would do like she has our entire lives; pick things up and everything would go back to normal. But it didn't and she hasn't. When I went home for the first time to visit her there was this awkward laugh stuck in my throat when I saw her limp into the room. My heart broke. That night both Gabe and I went to bed entirely depressed. My mom wasn't my mom. There was this person inside of that body fighting to get out. There still is.

I think of all the things my mom has done over the years, the people she has helped, the strength she has had... I am grateful that everyday when I look in the mirror I see a bit of her.

I am proud to be her daughter.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

maybe next time...

I really really really hate today. And I am usually not one of those dramatic or unfortunate people who hates their days.

I hate today because I hate when those I love hurt. You can treat me how you want, I'll get over it. But you hurt my dear friend who deserves only the best and it makes me want to hurt you.

There was a time in my life when I would have slashed your tires and keyed your car. I am a much nicer person now, and my morals have improved. Lucky for you.

Or maybe, I've just realized that scratched paint and flat tires won't mend a broken heart, and that the best thing I can do for my friend is to support them in their decisions both emotionally and elsewhere. I can cheer them along and help where I can.

I cannot change how you treated my friend. I cannot change the fact that you are far too dense to realize what you had. But, I can help my friend realize what the future holds and that in the long run this will only make her stronger... all those cliche truths and maybe the not so cliche ones that my friend will need to hear time and time again in the near future.

That's what the grown up part of me says. The not so mature yet part says I have a new face to put up for target practice.

Its progress, right?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

does it count as a post if I am typing to stay awake?

Last night we started moving into the new apartment. We also discovered that there were about half a dozen dead/alive spiders living in our new place. A trip to the store later we had the spider killing goods.

This morning in between classes and work we moved a few carloads over to the new place. I am at the point where I either want to burn all of our things or quit moving #whitegirlproblems as my dear Brook would say.

And because of all the moving we were up until far too late doing the ever glorious amounts of homework. I decided it was time to quite when I could no longer pronounce the word there.

Now, I am brain dead. I am literally typing this to keep myself from laying my head on my desk and taking a nap... Not sure the boss would be a big fan of that one. (Not to mention I am sitting here in Gabe's basketball shorts and a tshirt because my clothes weren't at the apartment where I showered. Business casual... right??)

I am excited for our new fireplace, just in time for chilly weather. Who says s'mores aren't just as good in the winter?

Sunday, September 11, 2011

cheesy lines from all our favorite cheesy songs...

the apartment is still a mess... but at least we have groceries again! tonight the husband and I went grocery shopping and while I lamented the fact that over six hours of my day were devoted to homework I still love this phase of our lives.

I love learning new things (even if I am horrid at pronouncing medical words...), I love that my husband still has time to go grocery shopping with me and that we could just drop by to celebrate a wonderfully put together surprise party for a dear friend (no pictures... not that you were that interested in them anyways, right?).

For now I am okay with the messy place and the fact that I'm not getting to bed until 1AM. Maybe in the morning it will be another story but right now I can't help but think how grateful I am to not only be alive, but to be living, sharing these moments and experiences with those I love.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

brains vs looks...

when I was growing up I was the "smart sister" and Emily was the "pretty princess", ask anyone. I was bossy and a know it all with a squeaky voice and crazy curly hair (think Hermione, pre-basilisk). I wasn't nearly as adorable as little Emily traipsing around in her tutus giving impromptu shows, in the words of my brother Kris "you look like a tree when you try to dance" Aren't brothers the best?

But seriously, when I got old enough to start voicing my opinions (and trust me I had plenty of them...) I did and because of that I was treated as such. While my sister was being chased by all the boys, I was reading books and staring my very first business (think Babysitter's Club, it was short lived). I fought for girls to play football with the boys at recess (bad idea) and was pretty inept when it came to fashion.

Do we choose between brains and looks or does society? Is it even something a person needs to choose between?

When I came to college I was determined to change my image. I died my hair blonde, saved up and bought 'cute' clothes (before this I had started wearing things that were actually in style but frilly, cute, lacey, and accessories were all foreign ideas to me) much to the excitement of my roommate Andrea. We had fun, guys paid attention to me and I spent far less time doing homework. But, I would go on a date with a guy and after the first twenty minutes when he discovered that I was after a Master's degree there would be an awkward silence... I had a lot of first dates. The only guy I seriously dated freshman year (who just happens to be my husband) was the one who knew me back when I was fourteen, awkward and opinionated.

I didn't get it. Maybe I still don't, but somewhere I found a balance between knowing things and knowing when to voice my opinion, spending time studying AND spending time getting ready instead of one or the other. There are still plenty of guys who don't like me or my opinions and there are girls who give me dirty looks when I dare show up to class in basketball shorts and a t-shirt.

But, there is my husband who listens to my opinions and will argue ideas with me. He compliments me on my looks and tells me how proud he is of what I am accomplishing with my life. And then there my friends who will allow the grunge but still squeal with me over a cute top.

I don't think it has to be a choice, but I do think there is a healthy balance. Will I ever discover the cure for cancer? Probably not.

But I am smart enough to understand I don't want to downplay what I know in order to up play what I look like. Someday when I have girls, I hope I can convey that to them as well.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

the silver lining project

IT"S OVER! Well, kind of... the auction doesn't end until Thursday (go ahead, go check it out here) but the concert is done and over with.

What a night. What an event. I learned so much. About life, about people and about myself. I learned what it means to really have responsibility over several things and people. I learned why it is so important to know who you can truly count on.

I learned once again how truly amazing my husband really is. He was one of the first people at the venue and the only one who stayed THE entire time (including me...) while I had to work a few hours and run around for last minute things. He was a carpenter, a mover, a cleaner, a food server and as always my right hand man. He was my safe place during this entire time, and he is so glad to have his wife all the way back :)

I also had a lot of help from Alyssa's extended family. They kind of made this thing happen behind it all. Without them I am not sure how far we would have gone with everything.

And then there was all of the volunteers; they donated time, talent (and there was a lot of it), goods and services to make this all come together.

Thank you each one of you. I am so grateful for you and the way you chose to spend your time; helping one of my favorite families.

And it was actually really fun.


Thursday, September 1, 2011

today is ...

wonderful. today is horrible. today there isn't enough time. today time won't go by quickly enough...

and here are the reasons why:
Today is wonderful because my nephew Michael Danger Koval was born this morning. Yes, Danger really is his middle name. Heaven help his teachers, right? I am so proud and excited for that cute little family who I love so much. I do not want to wait to meet my little nephew but school and funds demand that I do.

Today is horrible because my mind is unorganized and I hate that disheveled feeling where my mind races from one task I need to do to another right in the middle of it all. 

I wrote this Wednesday. Today is the same... but for all other reasons.

Friday is going to come all too soon and all too quickly. I am so ready for this and then again I could have another week and not be completely prepared.

It's kind of like cliff jumping. I planned it, I am really excited for it, but now that it is so close I am anxious and  not sure I should have tried to pull this off in the first place. But unlike cliff jumping I cannot pause for a few minutes to gain enough courage to jump in... This benefit is pushing me closer to the edge of the cliff with every tick of time.

here... I...................... GO!!!!