Thursday, December 29, 2011

Take a little piece of my heart....

I should probably be sleeping... or cleaning off the pile of clothes on our bed... or unpacking the suitcases and putting away all of our things. But my brain is turning quickly and so much has changed in such a small amount of time that I am okay with spending some time sorting through it all on here, dumping the clothes on the top of the dresser and trying again in the morning.

Christmas break was lovely (I promise I will post more later), the only thing I could ask for was more time with those we love and less time driving.

On the way out to Kansas we stopped for some food, where we were reminded that there are some very ignorant people in the world. Sometimes, I forget that people still have unprecedented prejudices against Mormons, that someone can hate me without even bothering to understand my beliefs, that I can be made to feel so little in such a small amount of time. I know that not everyone believes what I do but this was beyond that, this was cruelty and hatred. This was a harsh reminder of the impact of words, more importantly my words. I have stuck my foot in my mouth more than once, but I hope I never do so on purpose, out of malice or ignorance.

Due to copious amounts of driving there was plenty of opportunity for discussion and deep thought throughout the trip. I realized that I am still a doormat sometimes, but it has nothing to do with my ability to stand up for myself. I let people walk all over me because I ache for them. I see a need and I have the desire to fill it. Sometimes, that is perfectly okay and I am able to give without becoming a place for shoes. I love being able to serve others and wish I could do more. However, sometimes people take advantage of it. Thankfully, Gabe usually catches it early on and lets me know when lines have been crossed. However, it isn't like these people charged across the lines, swords ablaze. I let them cross, I enable them and say "Hey, take a piece of me, no big deal." I don't value my time or efforts enough. I want to change that, and I am working on it. I get better with each year I suppose.

I am spent... More will come later. For now, sleep has my time.








Christmas time was here...

We started our vacation in Kansas. I loved being at my in-laws, being able to read something besides textbooks every night and getting to know everyone a little bit more. It is funny how the mind (and heart) works sometimes. I am not sure when it happened, but these people have transitioned from Gabe's family to our family. They are no longer his nieces and nephews and brothers and sisters and parents but mine as well. I feel so loved. We devoured food and watched nostalgic movies, you know the kind where everyone is quoting almost every line but no one seems to notice. We cut down trees and tried out the new treadmill. We ate at our beloved Braum's and drove around exchanging stories about Salina. It probably sounds a little boring to you but after this semester it was exactly what we needed.

We left midday on Christmas Eve to drive down to my grandparent's for a Christmas Eve dinner (which consisted of delicious barbecue, I love the South sometimes) and then on to my mom and stepdad's new home in Clinton, OK. I love watching my family interact with one another, my grandpa telling stories of the day he met Dolly Parton (another post, another day) and being able to see everyone. It was odd visiting a place where my mom lived that I didn't call home. It wasn't that it was not welcoming, or that my family was there, but more that I have my own place with my little family now. While we missed the rest of my siblings we had a lot of fun with my little brothers. I love each one of my family members, a lot and the holidays usually remind me of that. Adam and Gabe are pretty much besties these days, and when John and Benji's friend came over to compare Christmas presents they said that their brother Gabe was here. I love those boys, they are so sweet and yet so full of energy. Energizer might want to consider replacing their bunny with my two youngest brothers.

We made a quick stop to pick up a few dear friends and try to fit all of us and their stuff into our little Lancer... It was a really long 15 hours home. But we made it, and here we are getting ready for a new year and a new semester.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

2011 in a Nutshell

2011 was full of car wrecks and surgeries, heartbreaks and love. Here are some of the highlights:

11. We survived another few semesters of school. Gabe has been working extra hard and hasn't taken a break since last summer but it has all paid off and this time next year we will be job searching or applying for grad school... or living in a van down by the river.

10. We passed Bessie the Beast down to Emily and said hello to a new (to us) car. This is notable because Bessie has become like a member of the family going from my parents, to Gabe and me, and now on to Em. Goodbye Bessie, you have served us well.

 9. Gabe had a song dedicated to him at a live concert. It was his birthday and we know the lead singer of the band, definitely a night for the books.

 8. We started and ended our own company all in one year: Eaton Organizing. While it was moderately successful, we decided that we have no interest in running a company, working for BYU and going to school simultaneously. Who knew we would be retiring before age 25? Man are we talented.

 7. Most people get a pet before they have children, Gabe and I inherited a teenager for a few months. Heather's younger brother Adam (we can't really call him little when he is over 6 feet tall) came to live with us while her mother continued to recover from her wreck. We had a lot of fun with him and he impressed quite a few people while he was here, they still ask how he is doing and what he is up to.

 6. Gabe was promoted to administrative assistant at work, he equivocates it to being the Dwight (The Office reference) of Heritage Halls. Somehow Heather thinks he is more like Jim. 

 5. Still not having children anytime soon, but thanks for asking.

 4. Heather organized a benefit concert (with lots of help) for a dear family of friends who suffered through  a car wreck that came with many expesnes and the loss of a child/sister. Gabe was definitely her right hand man throughout the whole ordeal and while it was rewarding we were grateful for a moment of breath when it was over.

 3. is the number of places we have lived this year. We are currently residing in the basement of a wonderful woman and hope to stay here until life takes us out of Happy Valley Utah.

 2. is the number of surgeries Heather had within two months of each other.  Thank you for the love and support through it all. We plan on next year being much less eventful in the medical arena.

1. We rediscovered what it means to be young, after all we are only 23 and barely 24. There is so much life left for us to live and so much left for us to learn. We look forward to spending each moment growing and staying young all at the same time






We hope you have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

ps- Heather's brother Kris was a little upset he didn't get mentioned in last year's newsletter so here it goes: Congratulations to Matt and Brianne on yet another adorable little boy: Michael Danger and Congratulations to Kris and Jen on another little one on the way!





Thursday, December 8, 2011

there are worse things...

I had a hectic morning. This is how it was supposed to go:
7a - Dr's appointment (follow up from surgery)
8a- group presentation
9:30 nap until review
11- review

It seems simple enough... right?

Well... this is how my morning went:
wake up at 6:30 (late) because I was up until 2:30
get to the dr at 7:04, only to learn he is delivering a baby and I will have to wait
7:20 make a plan for the husband (who is oh so wonderful) to take the things I need for the presentation to a girl in my group
7:36 get into the actual appointment room
7:38 call from the husband saying the car is dead, can I come get him
7:39 tell the nurses I am leaving but will be back (I think they would have preferred I stay gone but I've waited months to get a dr's release to work out... not happening)
7:51 drop the husband off at school
7:52 drive back to the dr's office giving silent prayers the entire way for a wonderful husband and a group who is so understanding and a professor who let our group go later
8:15 see the dr... for less than 10 minutes
8:22 leave the dr's office while frantically texting my group
8:42 finally present with my group
9:20 try to take a nap but my phone disagreed and wouldn't stay quiet so instead I read a textbook
10:55 find out another class has the room where the review is supposed to be held
11:05 after the snooty girl said we couldn't use the room and have them move their pizza party ran I with a classmate and found another room


well that was fun... oh finals I really am grateful for you. it means I am one step closer to graduation and earning an education

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

don't go changin'

another semester is wrapping up. this is the last week of classes and we are using every bit of our will power to get up and attend our 8am classes in the increasingly cold weather.

I shouldn't complain, we have a great car and having class at 8am means I am finished with my day at 4:30, which leaves an evening full of possibilities. Still... my first class next semester will not start until 9:30 and I will get home around 7 most nights. Worth it.

Gabe made these delicious twice baked red potatoes on Sunday night that we have slowly been devouring. He and I have drastically different approaches to the kitchen and cooking.I never really measure things out. I know what a teaspoon looks like and hey maybe I want a bit more tomato in my salsa. Most of the time this works, other times we go out to eat. Gabe however is meticulous with each measurement, making sure each one is just right, setting timers for everything, and cringing at the thought of looking up substitutions for ingredients. Maybe his track record is a little better than mine (mostly due to the fact that I burn things)

You would think that Gabe would clean as he goes, making sure that everything was in its proper place and that I am a whirlwind of mess leaving a tornado of flour in my wake. Well... to be honest it is quite the opposite (unless I am making food with "help" of siblings or nieces and nephews). Oh the joys of cooking... with finals coming up we always buy frozen dinners (not the TV kind... gross) and call it good. One day I will be the best wife/mother ever and make homemade delicious and nutritious meals every day.

ok.... you can stop laughing now.....

And on a completely random note: Can I tell you how adorable it is when the guys at work pull out their smart phones and show me video of their grandchildren? I love it. Every time. Even if one of the guys forgot that he already showed me that video... twice.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Memories have a funny way of doing things...

I want a good rainy day... one where it pours down with thunder in my ears and lightening in the sky.

but since as I type this there is snow falling outside I don't see that happening any time soon. this time of year is always interesting for me. I don't remember hardly anything from my childhood. seriously, there are blurbs here and there but mostly I hear stories and I remember emotions. but for some reason this time of year brings about an array of memories, all flooding into my head.

I remember my dad left when it was cold outside, we lived in this tiny house next to an Asian family who had chickens in their backyard. strange huh? I remember my grandmother's death, sitting in the den of my grandparents house with the multi-color Christmas tree lights blurred by my tears. I remember the time I went to the store with my mom to buy our Christmas dinner and presents and having to walk away from our full shopping basket because someone had stolen my mom's wallet with the Christmas cash she had skimped and saved for.

I remember staring at this nativity scene we had for years. It was nothing fancy, little ceramic figurines placed inside a wooden patio with little ugly moss glued to the top.Thinking back it had definitely seen better days but I thought it was the most beautiful thing, I would sit there and replay the Christmas story in my head imagining each piece coming to life.

Out of all my childhood memories, this is one of the most prominent in my mind, a little junky looking nativity scene that had no real significance except for the story behind it.

I know it is supposed to be embarrassing for my generation to have grown up poor. I tried my best to hide or forget it for a long time.But, as I start establishing my own family and traditions there are several things I can glean on from the experiences I had as a child. Presents were never the focus of Christmas in my home. I can't remember ever writing a letter to Santa Claus listing out items that I wanted. It was a foreign concept to me.

As the years go on I am learning to be more and more grateful for my personal life experiences. And while some of these consisted of living nightmares that I would wish upon no one, there is choice I have to make in remembering. I can focus on the horrid, the unimaginable, the loss and suffering, or I can remember the beauty of the nativity scene moments and the priceless lessons I learned from them.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Gabe and I's living room conversation

Gabe "Hey, its that one movie with Zach Braff in it"
Heather: "which one?"
Gabe: "The one where he hits a person on a bike"
Heather: "The cloud movie???"
Gabe* confused look... ... "No... The High Cost of Living"
Heather: "Ohhh... for some reason in my mind when you said Zach Braff my brain processed Zac Efron... I was trying really hard to be supportive of your sudden interest in a teen (tween?) heart throb"
Gabe: *laughs

ahh, our children will be so blessed to be exposed to such stimulating conversation

Sunday, November 27, 2011

still learning...

clocks seem to turn at an increasing speed as this year gets older.

maybe it is because so many things have happened this year. and by things I mean life changing events. we had to grow up in a lot of ways. we had to make serious decisions, go without sleep in order to get things done, make sacrifices and choices that will forever change the path of our little family.

I am figuring out a lot of things about myself, about married life and about my wonderful husband and our future.

I am learning the patience of having to wait for things like children and a degree in a fulfilling field. I am learning how truly kind and giving my husband is, and how important it is to nourish and never abuse those qualities. I am learning that giving service to others is many times thankless but still makes my life have meaning. I am learning that my spontaneity can be a good thing. I am learning the heartbreak of watching others go through unimaginable pain and struggles and being limited in my capacity to help. I am learning the great power of prayer and how truly precious I am to my Father in Heaven. I am learning to trust the right people. I am learning what kind of home I want to have and taking charge of my part in that.

tonight we opened a bottle of sparkling grape cider and a creamy chocolate bar with almonds and honey in it. we were celebrating life and everything we have experienced this year. we were celebrating our love for one another and for those who are dear to us. we were celebrating those seemingly small triumphs that we have conquered as of late...and we really wanted a treat.


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

a lot to be thankful and busy about

We had a very busy weekend:
new car
our first ever washer and dryer
our fake Thanksgiving dinner with Emily and her bo (in which I cooked everything except the turkey and potatoes. Whew, yet another first successfully executed)

And as strange as it may sound I sort of feel like the holidays are over. We're eating Thanksgiving leftovers for lunches, and who needs a better Christmas present than a washer, dryer AND a new car. But, I will thoroughly enjoy the Christmas season... As soon as finals are over and out of the way.

Until then, I can just pretend that the holidays really are finished and done with... Except for the eggnog, Christmas decorations and music, holiday cards, visiting relatives and all of those other things that I love about this time of year.

There is no escaping it, from now until the end of the semester we are going to be one busy couple!



Friday, November 18, 2011

forgive

there are a lot of things in the life I have had to define for myself. forgiveness is one of them.

I have been given ample opportunity to forgive people for horrendous things done not only to myself, but to those I love. Not exactly one of those opportunities people are vying for but nonetheless I have it.

But I have learned a lot of things from that opportunity and I feel that if I didn't there would have been a lot more mistakes made in my life of a mess sometimes.

Here are my top 3:

1. Forgiveness isn't just once.
There was a point in my life where a person hurt me so badly that even if I smelled something that reminded me of them I would get nauseated (don't worry I only threw up twice). I stopped hanging out with most of our mutual friends because I didn't want to be reminded of said person. I gained 20 pounds.
I thought I had forgiven them but soon learned that it was going to take a lot more than what I had done. I have forgiven this person over and over again. And while for the most part I no longer have to worry about getting hurt when their name is brought up and I have no idea what that smell was, there are those rare moments when I need to forgive them once again.

2. Forgiveness means not letting someone hurt you anymore.
How can you forgive someone if you are afraid that they are still going to hurt you? You can't. So there are two options in this case: You either have to trust this person or put them at a distance to where they cannot hurt you again. How do you know which one to do? That is where logic, reasoning, instinct (whether you need to learn to follow it or ignore it) and in my case spiritual guidance come in. It isn't an easy decision. For the most part, when someone hurts us that deep it means we let them in on a deep level. To let them go, or to let them in once again... That is a challenge. The distance can be emotionally, physically or altogether but being angry and running away from hurt doesn't really solve problems.

3. Forgiveness does not mean you are a doormat
Forgiving is not weak. In fact it takes quite a bit of strength, especially if a person hurt someone you love or is someone you love. But forgiveness does not mean letting someone walk all over you again and again, letting them hurt and or use you time and again. Forgiveness is for when you are finished being hurt. I am not saying that people have a forgiveness limit on them, that if the mess up on little things a few times that is it. I am saying that a person who asks your forgiveness again and again, who messes up on the big things like fidelity, loyalty, morals, etc again and again... If you say you're forgiving them, in all reality you're most likely being a doormat. I know that I said forgiveness isn't just once, but then again forgiveness isn't being stupid either. I forgave that person in my example for one incident over and over again, but I made sure I was far away from him before I did.

This is my opinion, I am bound to be wrong every once in awhile. After all I am only twenty-three. So if you don't agree... Forgive me?

Terribly cheesy... I know.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

what Harry Potter taught me...

I have seen these lists of what the Harry Potter series has taught people and I figured as much as I love the series it is about time I made one of my own:

Harry taught me to be brave, even when there were no adults around to show me how

Ron taught me that it is okay to  be angry with the ones I love, but to always come back

Hermione taught me that one day someone would love my know-it-all, book worm self

Ginny reminded me how important it is to cherish my brothers

Fred and George taught me that it was okay to have a sense of humor in any situation, even at the most seemingly inappropriate times

Dumbledore taught me to give up everything for what I truly believe in

Luna taught me to love my little sister with all her weird quirks

Neville taught me that as long as I stand up for what I believe in it doesn't really matter how incredibly dorky I was growing up

JK Rowling reminded me of the sacrifice of my single mother

These characters were my mentors, my friends. I learned some difficult lessons from them as silly as it sounds and despite the arguments that this series is poorly written it will most likely always be my favorite fiction. After all, I grew up with these characters and I hope my children will do the same.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

the one and ONLY time I will EVER attempt to cut Gabe's hair...

I am traumatized... maybe you can blame it on my hormone treatments (Gabe does) or maybe it is because I just did a HORRIBLE job cutting Gabe's hair.

It wasn't my idea... and while I can't say he made me do it, he did use his stubbornness to his (dis)advantage.

He said if I didn't cut his hair, he would do it himself, without a mirror. Now... I am wondering if that would have been the better option. I begged him to let me take him somewhere, but he argued about the expenses of buying a new car etc.

Next time I think I will just sedate him.

And yes, I know there are more important things in this world than a bad hair cut, that hair grows and that life I goes on... But I can't help feel horrible for his poor pitiful head, with a bald spot right towards the front.

I need to stick to molding the human mind and leave molding the human hair to others...

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

but now I realize forever that you're my friend

We had a pretty busy weekend:
Friday I had a doctor's appointment and was given official clearance to no longer wear my boot, two weeks early! Apparently, my bones are awesome at healing themselves and although I can only fit my still swollen foot into two pairs of my shoes, it is a start (even if I am trashing my favorite pair of moccasins by wearing them everywhere)

Saturday afternoon Emily came back into town from her seasonal job down in Zion's to stay with us for a few days while she finds a new place to live and a job (if you know of anyone hiring, she is looking for either part or full time)

Saturday night we went out for Gabe's family birthday dinner (with the number of people ever depleting with each year...)

Sunday Emily helped me make Gabe's home birthday dinner (isn't he lucky, two birthday dinners although I would say this one was much more delicious than the former)

and Sunday night a handful of rambunctious guys came over to tell Gabe happy (late) birthday and eat the rest of his Reese's Cheesecake (which caused two of them to go on a sugar high and do things like push ups in our hallway). They also tried to convince Gabe that they should all move into our apartment. Sorry boys, as much as he loves you, not happening.

did I get any pictures? Of course not... I really need to get better at that.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Gabe is the big 2-4

Today the husband turned 24. He thinks he's old. . .

I really enjoyed seeing him light up over the people who love him stopping by or giving him a phone call. We have a fun sort of mix in our family, him being the youngest and me being one of the older kids (okay, so I was the middle child... whatever). Gabe's family calls and talks, my family calls and sings Happy Birthday obnoxiously (this is still my favorite part of my birthday wishes, and it has become one of his). I would say it is a healthy dose of both.

As I sit here watching him do homework, while I work on his final birthday present (aren't I oh so punctual) a little smile sneaks across my face as I realize that this is the man I get to spend the rest of forever with.



Well, that was him about 15 years ago... such a cute little kid.

Happy Birthday Gabe, thanks for letting me be a part of the past 10 years of your life and all the ones to come.

Love you.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Happy Nerd-aween

Gabe and I decided to embrace the nerdiness that is us this Halloween.
He has always been a big Legend of Zelda fan and I have always loved Harry Potter. Both of us probably to an unhealthy level at times...

Here are our pumpkins. It is worthy to note that this is Gabe's first time to ever carve a pumpkin and I drew out my design all by myself. This is also our first year really celebrating Halloween together. It is so nice not to be sick all the time, it makes celebrating holidays much more enjoyable.

Oh and what are we dressing up as? Jim and Pam from The Office... but those pictures will have to come later.

 









Thursday, October 27, 2011

when all you got to keep is strong, move along


Maybe this was the reason I loved running cross country so much in high school, maybe this is the reason that I still crave those wonderfully gruesome long runs. Maybe this is the reason that when life becomes seemingly overwhelming one of my first urges is to grab my running shoes and a playlist.

Because I know I can conquer those runs. I know I can keep on going and somehow whenever I am at the end my brain translates the thinking that if I just finished that run, then I can conquer whatever lies ahead of me.

I have complained about my surgery and not running, a lot. But if I am honest with myself in the end, that surgery will allow me to run faster and further. While I am still frustrated that I am in this limbo, without it I would have to quit long before I was ready. With it I can be hopeful that I will be running for many years to come.

I keep saying that I will be ready for when this boot is off and I can take off once again. Maybe what I should be focusing on is the things I can do, those exercises and the training that will get me ready for another long run when the time comes.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

streams of mercy, never ceasing

today was lovely.

we woke up in time to pop 10 little bags of popcorn for the class we teach of 7 year-olds at church. people say you shouldn't bribe your children with food. good thing those adorable yet rambunctious children are not ours ;)

we took a glorious nap, it was such a gorgeous day a walk would have been fantastic. maybe next week I can hobble around a little better, or a ride up the canyon in the car, windows down, breeze blowing would be wonderful. today sitting outside on the lawn sufficed.

I need to take more pictures. . .  this time in our lives seems to be ever fleeting

Saturday, October 22, 2011

my legacy

These are my maternal grandparents, James and Carol to some but Momo and Popo to me. These two people are part of my legacy, a reason why I am proud to be a member of my family, and an entity of who I am.

My grandparents were married when my Momo was only seventeen years old. They love one another so much.

My Momo's obituary says she was a homemaker; that word cannot begin to encompass what this woman achieved while she was alive. However, she would have been more than okay with people knowing her as such. She was a mother, a grandmother, a leader, a force that only the brave (or stupid) reckoned with and so much more. She was a southern woman who loved her family and foremost did her best to serve God.

I remember hearing the story of her losing my uncle when he was only five days old and her choice to turn to Heavenly Father. Because of this, I am a member of a wonderful church, I do my best to serve others and during my darkest trials I have learned to turn to Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father as well.

I remember several stories of my mom getting in the car after school, excited at the groceries that included "the good stuff" only to find out they were being taken to someone who was in more need than her family.

I remember thinking that my grandmother was especially hard on me, only to learn that was because she knew what I was capable of. I remember my grandmother stoking my hair and singing me to sleep, when we would spend the night at her place. She did that the last night she was alive.

I remember her laugh, her whole body shaking, tears being wiped away. I remember her begging my mom to leave the abusive relationship she was in.

I remember her homemade comfort food, her biscuits and gravy. I remember in high school, right before I was about to make a really stupid decision seeing her disapproving face and deciding that actually it was time to go home.

I see my Popo still serving, still carrying on. I listen to him as he gives me advice on life and tells me stories from the days of the railroad and police force. I hear his southern drawl as he talks to each one of his children and grandchildren in a loving and most of the times teasing way.

I love my grandpa's nicknames for me: Houston, Miss America, Miss Universe...

I remember the last time I was over at his house. My little brother Benji decided to show off his balancing skills to Gabe by tediously standing by the edge of the pool on one foot. Of course, he fell in. As soon as my Popo made sure Benji was safe and out of the pool he came into the house laughing  with that same entire body, red in the face, tears streaming down his face that my Momo had. He even fell on the floor. (He then went and helped Benji into one of his old t-shirts and apologized about laughing, but not before he retold his version to everyone in the house.)

I respect my grandfather almost more than any other man. I love him so much and I am glad that he is such an example to me in my life.

There are so many more stories I could tell about my grandparents, and plenty that others have to tell. Most of them are about service, many of them are humorous, and about love.

This is my legacy, this is what I have to look forward to. And while I am not saying they are perfect, I am saying I am proud to be able to say they are my grandparents, that they are my legacy.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

as long as your heart's beating, it should never beat alone. . .

I am off crutches!!!  I have a love hate relationship with crutches; I hate using them and love to see them go. To think this could actually be the last time I will be on crutches is a pretty happy thought. We shall hope.

School seems to see how far it can push us. This semester has found a few all-nighters already, and I am sure there are at least a few more in store for us. But, we both really enjoy what we are studying and know that we are working towards so many worthwhile goals.

Is that selfish? To be worrying about our goals and what we want our future to hold? I used to think so, that if I wasn't constantly worrying about others and helping them that somehow I wasn't living up to my potential. But it turns out that it is quite the opposite. If I don't focus on myself somewhat, if I don't worry about our little family's needs THEN I am not living up to my full potential.

I am a firm believer that life is all about finding the balance in things. For me, right now, that means finding the balance between taking care of my husband and myself before I take care of others.

With school and church and extended family and friends, it is going to be a challenge.

I like a good challenge.


Monday, October 17, 2011

the fall out of the collision between food and life

With my surgery and other medical issues I have been really sick as of late...

Which means that Gabe had to pick up the slack. He has done laundry and dishes and even picked up my ever growing pile of clothes :/

But one thing he hasn't done is cook. He has this abhorrence towards cooking for some reason, which means we have gone out a lot. It gets interesting trying to make sure we all get the right amount of nutrients and still eat out. Some nights we would spend more and go to places that had better nutrition, other nights it would be like uhh extra lettuce on the burgers and cook sweet potato fries at home.

I wish there wasn't that exchange of nutrition for money but it seems like whether we are eating out or eating at home that is how it is.

But when you think about it, the exchange is worth it. One of my immediate relatives was just diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. Obesity is the largest growing (no pun intended) endemic in the United States and the health issues that stem from it are endless.

So I will continue to find ridiculous ways to try and eat more healthy in our ever so busy lives. And, hopefully I will start cooking again tonight.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I navigate these crooked paths. . .

Autumn feels like spring for me, in the sense that it brings a rebirth with all sorts of new possibilities.

Maybe it is the start of the school year, or the start of another cold winter that hasn't quite arrived. I am not sure...

Either way I relish in days like today where I am all caught up (when does that ever happen?) and I can just sit and listen to a new album and soak up all the carefully chosen words and chords, listening to the private and yet obvious meanings behind each line of music and verse. Remembering moments and events that relate or knowing that some experiences I will never share with those of the lyricist.

It is time to simplify my life a little more. Get rid of the things that do not fit with my goals and dreams and add the aspects that have been missing.

But for now, even if just a moment I am simply going to listen and allow myself to feel all those things that I have pushed away because of time constraints or my tendency to not see certain truths.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Gabe and I's gmail conversation...

Gabe:  wow....
 me:  nice huh?
 Gabe:  yeah
 me:  I can't tell if they're terrorists or scam artists
 Gabe:  probably terrorists
(he is looking for a replacement watch because just like everything else we own, his finally broke)

Stimulating conversation, I know. We are going to solve the world peace dilemma on gmail chat one of these days, I can feel it.

Monday, October 10, 2011

if only there was such a thing as testing gods....

I'm trying desperately to study for a test I have at 5pm. They have already rescheduled this test for me because it was last week from Wednesday to Friday, which is when I was in the hospital for minor things.

Well my brain is a fog and I cannot seem to concentrate for more than five minutes (hence the blogging I suppose). I can't remember what I studied 5 minutes ago and I am hoping that the notes I've taken all semester become a little more clear because right now I have NO idea what that little arrow that is pointing to the words 'very importante" (... sometimes I write in Spanglish...) is for.

Wish me luck? Say a prayer? Make a sacrifice to the testing gods in my behalf?

I'll take any of the above kind gestures

Saturday, October 8, 2011

my weekends need to start being more than me just soaking in much needed aspects of my life...

I tried so hard the last part of this week to concentrate on my homework, on studying for my mid-term I have coming up. On organizing my mess of clothes. On doing anything productive. But due to minor foot surgery Wednesday, pain meds and /or utter exhaustion I watched six of the eight Harry Potter movies and slept. When I say I watched Harry Potter, it really means I would start one of the movies and have background noise while I fell asleep which lead to weird dreams about me being magic and in the hospital wing at Hogwarts while the nurses and missionaries performed medical spells on me. I know... I brought it upon myself.

Last weekend wasn't much more productive in the school sense (I promise I do homework and other necessary college things.When? I am not sure...) but it was both productive and necessary in every sense of my sanity and well being.

Last weekend was general conference where I was able to hear from men and women of God, where I was able to reaffirm my own faith in Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice, where I once again remembered why it is I am in school, and work so hard, and even sometimes why I am a nice person. I was reminded how much my Father in Heaven loves me, Heather, personally and perfectly. I was told time and time again not only what an amazing person I am but even more the potential of what I can become.

Remembering last weekend reminds me that even though the past few weeks have been rough, that it is all okay in the end.

Friday, September 30, 2011

sometimes it's nice to get out some of the jumble...

I've been blogging a lot as of late. Maybe it's because I have way too much going on in this head of mine and need a place to dump it all, or maybe it's a distraction from my addiction to television that I am trying to break (Seriously, I used to be fine without having any channels. Then, I got to the point where I had a show on every night. No thank you.)

Whatever it is here I am and I am not sure where exactly this post is going... feel free to stop reading at any time.

I start on research this next semester. Gabe starts into his major. I know I keep saying it feels like we are adults, but then something else happens, another major step and I think "Oh, now I feel like an adult." Then there are those nights where we make a drink run at 11:30 and then make out in the parking lot and I think "Meh... I'll give it a few more years.."

Today I text a friend, expecting to get back a one line response and then go on. But somehow I think she knew I needed more than that... She confided in me. She allowed me to stop focusing on myself and remember that I am not the only one with dreams and aspirations.Sometimes that is all it takes for me to realize what I have been given and what I need to become.

And on my last final and random note, is anyone else as stoked for General Conference as I am?

Thursday, September 29, 2011

more than pipe dreams...

today I came across the following on my newsfeed:
"The highest paid TV actresses bring in $13 million just for doing their dream jobs. If money didn't matter and there were no obstacles in your way, what would your dream job be?"
I had to think about it for about .5 seconds before "to be a mom" came into my head. It's true. I love school and I love getting my education but I am so looking forward to those days when I have the privilege of being a mother.

I don't care who says I'm throwing away so much potential or my intellect. I will have to use both of those things and much more each day as I strive to be a mother who knows.

I have a lot of dreams and I plan on achieving each one. But the biggest and most important one is my family.
What would Hawaii, a career in public health that impacts others or becoming a licensed pilot be without them there to cheer me on?

In the meantime I get to be wife, student, sister, and daughter. And thoroughly enjoy other people's adorable kids.

Monday, September 26, 2011

words they flow...

one of my all time favorite movie quotes is as follows:
 "Oh, just out dealing with things way beyond my maturity level"

Why? Because sometimes it describes my life far too perfectly. Like this weekend... I could say that is what I was doing the majority of the weekend with no exaggeration.

And because I am not always the most mature or wise individual I can get overwhelmed. But then I come across quotes like this:
Wherever you are, whatever the circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you, with an infinite love. - Dieter F Uchtdorf
Then I re-evaluate things a little bit. I remember that I am loved. I remember that I actually don't have it that bad. I remember that I will be more than okay.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

sometimes I really do feel for Gabe.

Like when we have 10 minutes before church starts and he says "We're going to be late" as I start to curl my hair only to throw it up in a ponytail because I decided I don't care....

Or when I mix up days of the week and frantically get out of bed because I have to get ready for my 8am class that is actually not for two more days...

Or when I manage to loose my third debit card within the year and yet he still lets me take his to go get something I really think I need.

Or when some crazy member of my family does yet another crazy thing (crazy being overused to encompass mental, physical and emotional states) and I get a phone call about it...

He seems to put up with quite a bit, so I can't really blame him as he rolls his eyes while I'm looking for my phone which turns out to be in my pocket.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

feeling a bit nostaligic

which is why I am going to share two completely random and humorous stories with you from Gabe and I's past.

The first needs a bit of an explanation. LDS/Mormon weddings are not like your regular wedding. In fact. there is only an exchanging of rings if the bride and groom (or in our case our parents) want one and there is no cute little person/animal carrying the rings down the aisle. Which meant that I was responsible for carrying Gabe's ring. Since my dress was short on pockets I ended up sticking it on my thumb. As I was getting ready to go in to be married my Aunt Karen and mom were doing final preparations when my Aunt says "Let's get rid of the thumb ring" as she looked warily at Gabe's wedding band. We all laughed when I explained that it was his ring and that was the only reason I had it on. I love this story because my Aunt was helping to make sure everything was perfect for our wedding day and because a few years ago I would have possibly worn a big bulky thumb ring.

Random story #2 (this one might be a tad bit more amusing).
Those of you know who know Gabe know that he is obsessed with the color green Freshman year of college he had this green outfit:



what you cannot see is his green shoes that he wore as well. One night we were talking and somehow the subject of fashion came up and he said he dressed better than I did arguing that my outfit didn't match (it probably didn't to be honest). He was wearing his green outfit, and argued it matched because they were all shades of green. I laughed and just left it alone. Later on I found out that as a result of this incident he would regularly ask our friend James (who is a pretty classy dresser) if Gabe's clothes matched before he would come and hang out with me.

Oh how I love my husband, and my Aunt Karen.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Ode to Autumn

you might notice that I have a blog with this title every year.

but probably not because let's be honest, no one really cares that much about this thing. the point is, I absolutely adore, am infatuated with, obsess over Autumn/ Fall.(And I changed my mind... I like the name Autumn Eaton.)

There is something about this weather that is almost therapeutic for me...the colorful leaves...eating apples with that fresh crunch sometimes dipped in warm gooey caramel... snuggling up to my husband in the morning because of the nice bite to the air... sweaters and boots and flannel and wearing my hair down without breaking into a sweat... pumpkin flavored things and cozy socks... college football... school is still new...

Okay, I am pretty sure you get it.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

and it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer unto Father time

we are finally moved out of the old apartment into the new house. I forgot how much I love living in a house (even if it's the basement). I love our little white gate, and our doorbell, and the fact that we all have our own space.

I am still figuring out what to put where... we have too much space and not enough things. Such a sad predicament, right?

I look forward to painting and decorating. I wish my mom was here to help, that is something she is so incredibly talented in. And while we cannot agree on clothes my mother is especially talented at helping a person's personality come through their decorations. She is also great at finding quality things for discount prices.

My mom is sick again. I think we all thought that after her wreck she would do like she has our entire lives; pick things up and everything would go back to normal. But it didn't and she hasn't. When I went home for the first time to visit her there was this awkward laugh stuck in my throat when I saw her limp into the room. My heart broke. That night both Gabe and I went to bed entirely depressed. My mom wasn't my mom. There was this person inside of that body fighting to get out. There still is.

I think of all the things my mom has done over the years, the people she has helped, the strength she has had... I am grateful that everyday when I look in the mirror I see a bit of her.

I am proud to be her daughter.


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

maybe next time...

I really really really hate today. And I am usually not one of those dramatic or unfortunate people who hates their days.

I hate today because I hate when those I love hurt. You can treat me how you want, I'll get over it. But you hurt my dear friend who deserves only the best and it makes me want to hurt you.

There was a time in my life when I would have slashed your tires and keyed your car. I am a much nicer person now, and my morals have improved. Lucky for you.

Or maybe, I've just realized that scratched paint and flat tires won't mend a broken heart, and that the best thing I can do for my friend is to support them in their decisions both emotionally and elsewhere. I can cheer them along and help where I can.

I cannot change how you treated my friend. I cannot change the fact that you are far too dense to realize what you had. But, I can help my friend realize what the future holds and that in the long run this will only make her stronger... all those cliche truths and maybe the not so cliche ones that my friend will need to hear time and time again in the near future.

That's what the grown up part of me says. The not so mature yet part says I have a new face to put up for target practice.

Its progress, right?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

does it count as a post if I am typing to stay awake?

Last night we started moving into the new apartment. We also discovered that there were about half a dozen dead/alive spiders living in our new place. A trip to the store later we had the spider killing goods.

This morning in between classes and work we moved a few carloads over to the new place. I am at the point where I either want to burn all of our things or quit moving #whitegirlproblems as my dear Brook would say.

And because of all the moving we were up until far too late doing the ever glorious amounts of homework. I decided it was time to quite when I could no longer pronounce the word there.

Now, I am brain dead. I am literally typing this to keep myself from laying my head on my desk and taking a nap... Not sure the boss would be a big fan of that one. (Not to mention I am sitting here in Gabe's basketball shorts and a tshirt because my clothes weren't at the apartment where I showered. Business casual... right??)

I am excited for our new fireplace, just in time for chilly weather. Who says s'mores aren't just as good in the winter?

Sunday, September 11, 2011

cheesy lines from all our favorite cheesy songs...

the apartment is still a mess... but at least we have groceries again! tonight the husband and I went grocery shopping and while I lamented the fact that over six hours of my day were devoted to homework I still love this phase of our lives.

I love learning new things (even if I am horrid at pronouncing medical words...), I love that my husband still has time to go grocery shopping with me and that we could just drop by to celebrate a wonderfully put together surprise party for a dear friend (no pictures... not that you were that interested in them anyways, right?).

For now I am okay with the messy place and the fact that I'm not getting to bed until 1AM. Maybe in the morning it will be another story but right now I can't help but think how grateful I am to not only be alive, but to be living, sharing these moments and experiences with those I love.


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

brains vs looks...

when I was growing up I was the "smart sister" and Emily was the "pretty princess", ask anyone. I was bossy and a know it all with a squeaky voice and crazy curly hair (think Hermione, pre-basilisk). I wasn't nearly as adorable as little Emily traipsing around in her tutus giving impromptu shows, in the words of my brother Kris "you look like a tree when you try to dance" Aren't brothers the best?

But seriously, when I got old enough to start voicing my opinions (and trust me I had plenty of them...) I did and because of that I was treated as such. While my sister was being chased by all the boys, I was reading books and staring my very first business (think Babysitter's Club, it was short lived). I fought for girls to play football with the boys at recess (bad idea) and was pretty inept when it came to fashion.

Do we choose between brains and looks or does society? Is it even something a person needs to choose between?

When I came to college I was determined to change my image. I died my hair blonde, saved up and bought 'cute' clothes (before this I had started wearing things that were actually in style but frilly, cute, lacey, and accessories were all foreign ideas to me) much to the excitement of my roommate Andrea. We had fun, guys paid attention to me and I spent far less time doing homework. But, I would go on a date with a guy and after the first twenty minutes when he discovered that I was after a Master's degree there would be an awkward silence... I had a lot of first dates. The only guy I seriously dated freshman year (who just happens to be my husband) was the one who knew me back when I was fourteen, awkward and opinionated.

I didn't get it. Maybe I still don't, but somewhere I found a balance between knowing things and knowing when to voice my opinion, spending time studying AND spending time getting ready instead of one or the other. There are still plenty of guys who don't like me or my opinions and there are girls who give me dirty looks when I dare show up to class in basketball shorts and a t-shirt.

But, there is my husband who listens to my opinions and will argue ideas with me. He compliments me on my looks and tells me how proud he is of what I am accomplishing with my life. And then there my friends who will allow the grunge but still squeal with me over a cute top.

I don't think it has to be a choice, but I do think there is a healthy balance. Will I ever discover the cure for cancer? Probably not.

But I am smart enough to understand I don't want to downplay what I know in order to up play what I look like. Someday when I have girls, I hope I can convey that to them as well.



Saturday, September 3, 2011

the silver lining project

IT"S OVER! Well, kind of... the auction doesn't end until Thursday (go ahead, go check it out here) but the concert is done and over with.

What a night. What an event. I learned so much. About life, about people and about myself. I learned what it means to really have responsibility over several things and people. I learned why it is so important to know who you can truly count on.

I learned once again how truly amazing my husband really is. He was one of the first people at the venue and the only one who stayed THE entire time (including me...) while I had to work a few hours and run around for last minute things. He was a carpenter, a mover, a cleaner, a food server and as always my right hand man. He was my safe place during this entire time, and he is so glad to have his wife all the way back :)

I also had a lot of help from Alyssa's extended family. They kind of made this thing happen behind it all. Without them I am not sure how far we would have gone with everything.

And then there was all of the volunteers; they donated time, talent (and there was a lot of it), goods and services to make this all come together.

Thank you each one of you. I am so grateful for you and the way you chose to spend your time; helping one of my favorite families.

And it was actually really fun.

Success.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

today is ...

wonderful. today is horrible. today there isn't enough time. today time won't go by quickly enough...

and here are the reasons why:
Today is wonderful because my nephew Michael Danger Koval was born this morning. Yes, Danger really is his middle name. Heaven help his teachers, right? I am so proud and excited for that cute little family who I love so much. I do not want to wait to meet my little nephew but school and funds demand that I do.

Today is horrible because my mind is unorganized and I hate that disheveled feeling where my mind races from one task I need to do to another right in the middle of it all. 

I wrote this Wednesday. Today is the same... but for all other reasons.

Friday is going to come all too soon and all too quickly. I am so ready for this and then again I could have another week and not be completely prepared.

It's kind of like cliff jumping. I planned it, I am really excited for it, but now that it is so close I am anxious and  not sure I should have tried to pull this off in the first place. But unlike cliff jumping I cannot pause for a few minutes to gain enough courage to jump in... This benefit is pushing me closer to the edge of the cliff with every tick of time.

here... I...................... GO!!!!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

my plans and life always seem to find a way to conflict...

this was the list I made at the beginning of the summer of things I wanted to do:

1. a salsa garden (even if it is in a planter on my deck)
2. finding a desk and shelves for our office... and then painting them bright red
3. sewing a skirt
4. reading through Les Miserables and Jesus the Christ
5. putting the finishing touches on our apartment
6. finishing up a PD Bio class (online)
7. making a trip out to the midwest
8. finding some curtains for the study or learning to sew some
9. celebrating our 1 year anniversary
10. lots of outdoor activities

this is a list of things I actually did:
1. Work. A LOT more than I thought I would. I am not sure why I forget during the school year how much work I have to do in the summer (maybe because I enjoy school a titch more...) but I do, and I always think I won't be completely exhausted at the end of the day when in reality I usually am. I made homemade salsa, and tortilla chips, and guacamole. baby steps.

2. We made the "office" into a guest bedroom, for a semi-permanent guest

3. I bought a few skirts off the clearance rack... I still want to sew that skirt though.

4. I read though Les Mis and started Jesus the Christ. I also read a few other short reads... There's always Christmas break, right?

5. I suppose I can mark the finishing touches off, although the husband mainly did this one

6. There was no time... at all, for school. Instead I spent more family time, cleaned a little, and started exercising again. I regret nothing.

7. We drove to Oklahoma to take my parents a car that they bought out here. I don't want to sound like I am whining, but the drive was horrendous. The company, much better. I was sad we didn't have time to see Gabe's familia, (he was in the middle of a semester and it was a very short trip) but we will see them before we ring in the New Year.

8. So uhh, the semi-permanent guest still doesn't have curtains in their room.... Looks like we're taking a trip to Ross/Target tonight.

9. Husband and I most certainly did celebrate our 1 year, I loved it.

10. I walked around town a lot... does that count?

Monday, August 22, 2011

sometimes you just can't go back

this morning I am looking up flight for one of the artists for the benefit concert who is moving beforehand

this afternoon I will be calling people (adults, people with kids and real jobs and lives) and seeing how things are going with what I have delegated to them.

this is all new to me. I am still used to adults telling me what to do. I am not used to scheduling flights and negotiating and dressing pretty, to act professionally and then having something this important be on the line.

this morning Gabe is taking Adam to school, helping him find his way around classes and get ready for the new school year.

when did we become such adults? when did we start to have appointments and phone conferences and meetings? I received a fax today, about business. strange.

there are a lot of adult things that I have been doing for a long time, but these certain things all seem new and different to me. and I am grateful.

this benefit concert has changed me, it has helped me begin to see my potential. it has made me realize that there is so much more I can be doing with my life, even while going to school. I have been thanked numerous times for helping with things, but in all sincerity I feel as if I need to thank others for this opportunity.

and while I am doing all of these 'adult' tasks no worries, I am still taking time to do things like stay up until 1am playing Super Mario with my husband and little brother, listening to music, getting into wrestling matches, and being giddy around the guy I'm crushing on (the husband...)

I like that I am beginning to find a balance in my life, hopefully I continue to improve in that area because I am almost positive I will never fully grow up.

I am also perfectly okay with that.

Friday, August 19, 2011

today...

for the first time I used google translate and wished I hadn't / I am making a food menu for the next few weeks, school is definitely just around the corner/ I will be working on the benefit concert quite a bit/ I cannot stop yawning/ construction workers broke another water line on campus, last time this happened we spent out Thanksgiving vacation cleaning up and then being sick afterword. this time we won't be cleaning it up and hopefully no buildings will be affected/ should be shorter than not... Enjoy your weekend!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

homemade guacamole and zip lines

this past week Gabe and I went to Park City to celebrate our one year anniversary. there were a few glitches in us trying to get out of town (the car broke down, the bank thought my card was stolen, and as always we were running late, enough that the hotel almost didn't let us check in) but other than that it was quite enjoyable:

-husband got me this amazing necklace I have been eying for months (this is notable for two reasons;
1. I am usually not a fan of jewelry 2. even when I am, Gabe rarely notices)

-we discovered down town Park City, which reminds me a lot of down town Anchorage. If we ever have to live in Utah after we graduate, I think I could survive in Park City

-we ate at local restaurants, mostly it was quite tasty. I tried watermelon soup, which was interesting, but not enough to make me want it again. I also tried mashed cauliflower, which made me gag (but because I have been trained to do so, I tried at least three bites), Gabe was a grown up and ate a little bit more of it

-we ate the most delicious waffle cones (and the ice cream shop actually had sorbet so I could eat it as well)

-we toured the Olympic park, saw athletes training for the winter Olympics, took ridiculous pictures in a bobsled and went on a ridiculously tall zip line




                                     (no that isn't us on the zipline, I just wanted you to see how high up it is)

-we went swimming which consisted of us jumping from hot tub, to freezing cold pool, to the sauna, back to the hot tub and the pool several times over (it was quite chilly, but later we learned that was because it was fresh mountain water, which made me feel a bit more rustic)

- we drove around, got lost a few times, sang to the radio and enjoyed time just us. the only thing I didn't like about this trip was coming home.


Today on our actual anniversary we did the usual Sunday thing (which consists of sleeping in and making a real breakfast unlike every other day of the week, and then church and some family time) but we also made homemade chips, guacamole and salsa. yumm.



I am full of food and love.

(sorry for the lack of pictures... we forgot the camera)

a funeral

the past week was a flurry of emotions for me. and while I am grateful for each one some were more pleasant than others.

Thursday was Jada Mortensen's funeral. To say that was difficult would be an understatement, to see those I love dearly hurt so much, hurts me much more than my own ever could. Andy and James came to pick us up because our car was in the shop (more on this later) and hey, it's better to car pool.

In true form, we were almost late but not quite. The first people I saw who I knew were the grandparents. these are people who have welcomed me into their home, letting us stay up far too late doing things like painting in the driveway at 4am. Alyssa's grandpa has given me numerous priesthood blessings and a nickname. and there they were, both red eyed and tearful.

Then I heard Bridian's (a sister) graicous voice thanking people for coming and for caring about their family so much. I saw Nicole (the mom) beautiful, and elegant in a blue dress. I have never seen anyone so well put together at their own child's funeral. but then again, I wasn't surprised.

I heard awe-inspiring Jace tell of the loss of his best friend and the kind of person she helped him want to become. I heard Alyssa's voice through her sister as Bridian read a letter written from Lyss on her mission in Portugal. I heard two sweet young girls sing of the truth they know of Jesus Christ and His return. I heard a heartbroken mother speak of her child. A woman who lost so much in this last year who is still so willing to follow the plan God has for her. Once again, I was not surprised. I was in turn inspired to become a better person through their example. I saw my friends and husband who hurt so much for Alyssa and her family.I felt the Spirit so strongly testify that Jada and her family will once again be reunited.

After the funeral, before the burial, I finally got to speak to her grandparents. all the tears I had been holding back came rushing. Hugs were given and I think I accidentally got snot on his suit...

It was a sunny bright day, I saw so many friends and learned what faith in adversity really means. I think Jada would be pleased with the outcome.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

three hundred and sixty-five....

our anniversary is coming up, the big one year. 

I know some of you ... okay anyone who has been married at least five years, are probably thinking big deal. but this is a big deal for us, just like next year and the next and the next....

and it makes me think back to this time last year when so many people who love us came together and sacrificed time, sleep and other things to help us have that perfect day, and we will forever be grateful. each year when I think back on the promises we made I will remember the loved ones who surrounded us, and those who wish they could have been there.

thank you, each one of you for being a part of the best thing that has ever happened to me; marrying Gabe.


who knew these two immature, goofy freshman would get married...



I think we did, at least a little bit. when we were younger we used to joke around about kids, and where to live, and what kind of car we wanted and how we should just run away together. we were joking because we were freshman and he had a mission to go on and we both want college degrees...

but then... we realized that we wanted the same things and we wanted them together.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

last night I had this horrible dream where my friend whose sister recently passed away was asking my why I hadn't save her sister's life... I woke up around 4am and didn't really sleep after that.

this year has really been a mess. It is a lot more complicated however, I think it is sufficient to leave it at that.

I have learned a lot about myself as of late. who I am, who I want to become, what changes need to go into the transition...

I am excited to be back in school soon, spending more time working towards my career rather than spending dead time making money.

I am excited to see where my husband takes his time and talents... whoever gets them is going to be lucky.

mostly today, I am excited that we have a future and that the plan is ours to discover


Sunday, August 7, 2011

it has been a day...

most noticeable by the fact that it is well past midnight and I am still awake.

I found out that a plane had been shot down in Afghanistan. Immediately I thought of my brother who is stationed there, then of others I know in the military. When I found out it wasn't my brother there was a sigh of relief, a ping of guilt and finally sorrow for those who did loose their loved ones yesterday.

Our car overheated, which I thought cracked the engine. Thankfully it didn't (so grateful for in-laws who answer panicked phone calls) but we still have to take the car in.

and I spent a lot of the evening at the hospital with someone I love dearly. (yes, I am being vague on purpose and no there is no reason to worry.)


loving people is the source of my greatest and worst emotions. I just have to keep on reminding myself that being closed off isn't any better because then I don't get to experience those moments of joy.

don't worry my next post will be a little less melancholy. . .

there is much to be grateful for but tonight I needed to let some of this out

Sunday, July 31, 2011

I remember when we had the time in the world...

this week went by so fast I forgot to send my mom's present in the mail... so we opted for calling her at 12am her time to tell her happy birthday. the present will have to come later.
time seems to be speeding up as of late, which I know scientifically makes no sense. however, as the days and even weeks start to rush by I begin to wonder if there is some truth to my perception of things.

this week consisted of the continual search of a venue... I had some really good leads and we will most definitely have a location locked in by Friday. I am so glad because this has been such an unexpected difficulty in working on the benefit concert. who knew finding a place to host this would be such an ordeal?!

I am so grateful for everyone who has helped participate in this, if it was just me we might have a lame concert with a few donations for the silent auction but nothing more on our hands. I am so glad that is not the case.
the husband and I also went to our first 3D movie ever... Thor


 and we surprisingly enjoyed it (I look so exhausted because it was midnight, which is way past my bedtime)


it was a good week... I had a lot of fun with my husband and big little brother. it is now time for bed and another week

Thursday, July 28, 2011

some reasons I love being married to my best friend...

I don't have to take pictures like this alone


and I get to laugh when he does things like this

                                                                                      

one year older and wiser too. . .

it has been one of those weeks where I am shocked it is Thursday. Probably because Monday was Pioneer Day (technically Sunday was Pioneer day, but BYU celebrated Monday) and we opted to not go into work.

Usually we go in, even on holidays (being the workaholics/poor college students that we are). But we are getting towards the end of summer and getting burnt out on spending up to 8 hours a day 6 days a week at work and it was my little brother's birthday.

We had a blast. It was the traditional breakfast of birthday boy's choice (homemade biscuits and gravy, thank you mom for the recipe. they were delicious.) Tucanos for lunch, where Adam indulged on their amazing roasted pineapple.



We went to a giant toy store (think Home Alone 2)




and then ate these amazing cupcakes that we made



and then some pizza with family. It was just enough to make the day special but not too much to make it an ordeal.


Friday, July 22, 2011

quick shout out

as I sit here wanting to go to bed but waiting to pick up the little brother from an after efy (summer camp) party I can't help but think how grateful I am for all the nights my parents let me stay out with friends

even if they were in bed most of the time... asleep (my mom swears she was awake, but you should have heard her talking :)

I still appreciate it. Oh what glorious things our siblings can teach us...

thanks for staying awake mom... or at least half way conscious

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

and the beat goes...

things with the concert are going amazingly well.
The extended family has been such a huge help and the connections they have are a major blessing in putting all of this together. Benefit or not this is going to be a great concert to attend. Everything has fallen into place and I almost forgot how much I enjoy being this busy.

Adam is visiting for a few weeks and we have had a lot of fun. From literally running to the Harry Potter premiere to going to IKEA to watching Adam and Gabe's love for food go back and forth it has been great. Adam has EFY this week and on the first day he was way too cool to tell us what a good time he had. Today, he said it was enjoyable. His exact words.

Gabe is working... as always. They just got a golf cart and him and the boss probably enjoy it a little too much. He is still figuring out what he wants to be when he grows up. I refuse to tell him what to do... after all I am not the one who will be doing that thing for at least eight hours a day five days a week. He is learning a good lesson. I am trying ever so hard to be patient and not stress out because I don't have a plan.

We are getting ready to celebrate our one year anniversary. In some ways it feels like we have been married much longer, like this has always been my life. But in others I can't believe a full year has passed. We have almost used up all of our firsts. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day... Now onto anniversary.

I have been reading a book entitled The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. It is about a man who has prostate cancer and is dying. You would think it is super depressing. However, for me it has been the opposite. I have sat and read this book, relearning life lessons, being glad I already knew some of them and coming upon new ones. I haven't cried once. I have been inspired and uplifted. I have come to realize there are things I am lacking in that I do not want to be. I almost walked into someone while reading and walking... never a good idea.

Life is good. Oh, one thing we are lacking for the benefit are items for the silent auction. If you have any, or know anyone who would be willing to help out please let me know!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

it's a date...

now that I am married I do a lot more lunch dates. I can't decide if that is because I like my evenings with the husband and don't want to drag him to sit there while me and old friends catch up or because I am entirely busy most nights.

maybe it is a little of both.

completely random; this morning I started singing U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi... while getting ready to which Gabe replied "What are you singing?" this caused me to relay to him the following story:
When I was younger we used to go on road trips with my mom. I am not sure if my dad was working, had already left the family or was simply not around. But, I do remember the person who sat up front was designated map and sign reader (my mom has always been blind, but especially at night), and it was their duty to help her stay awake as well. There were renditions of this song among many others sung loudly, (no wonder I am a heavy sleeper) and I even remember some hand motions.

Besides silly songs and feeling important for helping mom out, that time was special because it was just you and mom. All of my life I have shared my mom with at least two siblings, usually more. I have never really minded but when I had that special time with my mom, late at night, talking about anything and everything I really enjoyed it.



Tuesday, July 12, 2011

don't blink, don't close your eyes and most of all don't apologize...

I forgot how much music completes my life until today. I have been so busy I have hardly had time to listen to music. I never thought my life would be that hectic. After this afternoon I never want it to be again.

sometimes in life we have to make decisions between what is right and what is easy. it is only so cliche because it is ever apparent in almost everyone's life...

but in the end what is right is usually the easiest road all along. I am a big believer in taking responsibility for one's actions. Maybe because most people do not or maybe because I have found that taking responsibility for what I choose to do has been the easiest way for me to correct my faults. Either way, they are choices you must face consequences to.

And if a decision is the right one, the one you truly feel conviction for (I am not talking about what shirt to wear or whether you should choose chicken or fish) then even if it is difficult you can stand by it knowing that you made the decision with the best of your judgement and abilities.

I recently decided to speak up where no one else would, to say something to someone's face instead of behind their backs. It was difficult, people are angry, and I think that some relationships have been changed for good.

I would be lying to say I don't care but truth; I wouldn't take it back. I would do it again. But that doesn't make the hurt any more dull. It doesn't make my life any easier and I once again learned the difficult lesson that we cannot change others.

The one thing I have solace in about all of this is that it was my choice, one that was well thought out and one that I will never regret no matter what the outcome.

... It's me whose got the demons to wrestle now.

(if you notice lyrics its Sherwood. enjoy)

Thursday, July 7, 2011

inanimate objects we enjoy...

I love the sun... and road trips... and Independence Day...

Gabe loves movie premiers... and his green hoodie... and his beard 

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

wanna play catch...

up?
because I suppose I have a lot to catch up on.
Fourth of July
the biggest thing I think I have taken upon myself in who knows how long...
and the surprise I still am dying to know details about.

Fourth of July was great!

we went on a road trip with some friends from work down to Vegas (maybe Gabe and I are weird, but we still hang out with our single friends... whatevs)
it was a blast. we stayed with our friend Cy's family and it was fantastic. he has brothers and so it reminded me a lot of being at home in a sense. Cy also has this adorable nephew named Kaleo who I had way too much fun with. It is possible his family was concerned I would put him in my suitcase and take him home. It might have been a valid concern.
We ate tons of delicious food, watched fireworks and went shopping. I loved it all. I didn't even mind the 112 degree weather as much as I thought I would, definitely a holiday to remember.
Mostly I enjoyed spending time with the husband and friends away from work and everything else here.


Benefit Concert
I am loving planning this concert and I am soo grateful for all of the people helping out. I am excited to see the final product, I am so busy that I think it is leaking out my ears. I burnt a quesadilla tonight because I was so caught up in things. I hope this will exceed expectations. I will tell you all about it when I know more. get excited.

Surprise Time

Gabe is planning a trip for the anniversary. I am pretty ecstatic. It will be fun to get away just us for a few days.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

dignity

dignity is an interesting word. it is one that is linked to triumph, defeat, tragedy and our greatest strengths, fears and weaknesses. in a world that seems to give most attention to not just the squeaky but the screaming wheel. few of those with dignity are recognized and even less of those are given the respect they deserve.

we live in a world where politicians who 'finally tell the truth' are considered more courageous than those real men who support and love their families everyday.

a world where it is okay to scream and yell and spit as long as you're on the right side of a cause

a world where the microphone is given to ke$ha to say her New Years resolution is "to not be a douche"

and dignity seems to be something deemed to be important to the royal family and those who are dying. I like being able to define things and so I looked up the definition of dignity:

nobility or elevation of character; worthiness: dignity of sentiments.

and then it made sense to me. to have dignity is to rise above the world, the whiners and those who play the victim. to have dignity is to be above average and normal.

in a world where we give trophies to the losing little league team and steroid use is no longer a surprise, what do we expect? where lindsey and britany get news coverage for too many drugs and not wearing enough clothes, what exactly is it that we are teaching the general population?

dignity is not the first word that comes to mind. and so once again, just like the nutrition of children, it is up to the parents to teach children how to behave with dignity.

not that I am surprised... it might take a whole village to raise a child, but it takes attentive and loving parents to raise them correctly.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I want to astonish myself...

today I came across this quote by Thomas Edison:
if we did all the things we are capable of doing we would literally astonish ourselves.

I believe this is entirely true. Last night, Gabe stayed up late writing an essay to apply for his program at the Marriot School. He has worked so hard this summer, working full-time and taking classes so he can start his major in the fall.
And he has astonished me by what it is he has accomplished both in school and at work.

He has also inspired me to continue to astonish myself.
As I came to school here I was astonished that I drove across country all on my own to try out a life that I believed could make me better.
Last semester I astonished myself with the best grades I have had since my brain injury a few summers ago.

This summer I haven't done nearly enough to reach all those things I am capable of. There has been too much TV watching and not enough book reading, too many sweets and not enough runs, too much thinking about me and not enough about others, too much time wasted and not enough spent purposefully.

So this is my goal (no worries I am slowly checking off my list from earlier this summer): to continually work towards astonishing myself, and to see the potential Heavenly Father has for me manifest itself in my life.

This goal will never be finished, it will never be checked off, and perhaps that is why I am so fond of it.