Sunday, January 24, 2010

painful realization

only in Provo could I fly a kite one night and have an epic snowball fight the next with some of the most fantastic people...

i started writing this sometime saturday morning and in between then and now i feel like my view of life has been changed drastically, but for the better.

i have this tendency in life to get careless. things get stressful and i just... shrug them off i suppose. its been a great coping mechanism for some things but it also tends to get me into trouble. example? school: i have a lot of homework, constantly. and if there isnt assigned homework then i need to be studying so i can actually get the concepts that my high school seemed to deem unimportant in the world of teaching science. but the point is sometimes i simply dont do homework or shrug off studying for a test. not ok. i realize that, and have been much better this semester than previous. anyways... last night i was driving in Provo Canyon, it was snowing, the roads were slick and yet i was going 60 mph. i was a horribly careless driver in high school but as i have gotten older and more accustomed to traffic that isnt a two way highway with no one in sight, i have become much more aware, cautious and overall a safe driver. disbelieve all you want, but those of you who have rode with me as of late would agree. i dont know what compelled me to be that immature last night... but i was... going 60 mph. i saw a curve coming up so i tapped on my brakes... and we slid and skidded and slammed into the median, hitting the front right side of the car so hard that it did a complete 360 and hit the back on the same side. i drive a manual and at this point my car had died, the keys had also fallen out of the ignition (not an uncommon occurrence) and so here we are, facing oncoming traffic and i have no idea where my keys went. i put my car in reverse and somehow it drifted just far enough off the road to be out of the way of traffic but not get stuck in the snowbank along the side. no one was hurt. my car was totaled in the sense that it would cost more than its worth to completely repair it but it is still drivable. just ugly. i was extremely blessed last night. i endangered a car full of friends and my little sister and yet we came out unscathed from it. Heavenly Father was definitely the reason behind it all. i know countless stories of people who have been going slower and hit the median causing their car to be totaled. i also know numerous stories of people being killed up in that canyon from the same sort of thing. and yet we're all ok. i can still drive my car and no other cars were involved. it has been a difficult past 24 hours for me because out of all of this i only have myself to blame and the grace of God to be grateful that we are all safe. i have come to realize how truly dependent i am upon the Lord and how fragile life can be. 21 seems pretty invincible most days but last night i realized how delicate my body is, how quickly things can change and how seemingly small acts can have devastating consequences. i dont know why it is the Lord preserved me and my car from my impulsive actions but i am ready to live less lackadaisically in order to fulfill His purpose in blessing me with minor damage to my car and little to no injuries.

flying kites and snowball fights: check.

speeding in bad weather to get to... well anywhere: not so much.

lesson learned:
life being difficult is no reason to become careless

i just hope i dont have to learn this one again

Individual and collective trials may sometimes seem overwhelming. That is when we need, more than ever, to draw near unto the Lord. As we do, we will come to know what it means to have the Lord draw near unto us. As we seek Him ever more diligently, we will surely find Him. We will see clearly that the Lord does not abandon His Church or His faithful Saints. Our eyes will be opened, and we will see Him open the windows of heaven and shower us with more of His light. We will find the spiritual strength to survive even during the darkest night.
-Dieter F Uchtdorf