Wednesday, December 29, 2010

2010 in Review

This is as close as I am going to get to writing a Christmas letter this year, and its four days after Christmas.
This is us witha group of our close friends here in Provo.

Our friend Amber wanted a nice picture of The Eatons to take on her mission with her. This is what she got.

I am a list person and so here are the top ten most noteworthy events that have happened to us this year:

10. We have become quite the canasta players. Yes, we know this is a game most commonly played in retirement centers but somehow we have come to thoroughly enjoy it and not be too competitive with one another. Anyone who wants to challenge us though, bring it on :)

9. We survived the blizzard of 2010. Anyone who was in the Provo area knew there was supposed to be a major storm the day before and day of Thanksgiving. It was going to be the biggest storm to hit this area in over ten years. Stores were out of milk, eggs and bread, both University campuses shut down and we braced ourselves for the worst. Just as Gabe predicted, it slightly drizzled. What nobody told us was that the next day when we went into work there would be a huge break in a main water line and over 20,000 gallons of water would pour into Heritage Halls and reek havoc. We waded through up to two feet of water in several buildings, trying to mitigate the damage done to student's property and literally swept out tons of water from the central building. It was freezing cold outside causing Heather to be sick on Thanksgiving day. What an adventure the blizzard but really flood of 2010 was.

8. Another semester is finished at BYU. Heather will be graduating in early 2013 and Gabe will soon follow after. Both plan on attending grad school but where has yet to be determined.

7. Heather's little brothers have fallen in love with Gabe. Adam, John and Benji are pretty enamored by Gabe. Anytime Heather talks to Benji on the phone he wants to know what Gabe is doing and if he can talk. Gabe is the youngest of his family so he is having fun with three little brothers, we are hoping they can come out for a visit soon (hint hint Momma Stroud).

6. Heather is learning how to cook. This has been pretty interesting, especially with the recently acquired news of diabetes. Adjusting recipes to be more low-carb and sugar has been a fun challenge. Sometimes it's just safer to eat out or count on Gabe's mad sushi and hamburger helper skills.

5. Bessie the Beast (our '02 Saturn) has survived another year. Even though she is only running on three cylinders she made quite the trek from Utah to Kansas then to Oklahoma and back to Utah. After numerous repairs this year we are grateful to still have a car that runs.

4. Heather got a new job. She was working as a custodian at Heritage Halls almost the entire time she has been at BYU, and after moving up in the ranks she decided it was time for a change of place. She is now a secretary in one of the buildings on campus and was pleased to find out she gets to do homework on the clock.

3. We decided to not have kids anytime soon, so stop asking. Maybe this sounds harsh but we are enjoying our little family just the way it is. We have plenty of nieces and nephews to keep us busy in the meantime.

2. Gabe chose a major. He will be going into advertising and/or marketing. Since Gabe sometimes enjoys the commercials more than the television shows this field should be perfect for him.

1. We got married!! Of course this is the most memorable event for our 2010. It was also the best and most stressful thing that happened this year. We loved both of our receptions and so please do not take offense of the next statement if you were a part of either of them: We will be encouraging our children to elope.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

what Christmas meant this year...

Christmas this year was different than any other. Last year it was just me and my sister, which was a blast (see previous December post). Plus, I had just gone home before the holiday so it felt like I was there.

This year it was no one but me and the husband, the rest of our family was over 1,700 miles away (or traveling there), and while we talked to them on the phone and missed them I really enjoyed the holiday.

This morning started with us driving Gary and 'Lizabeth (brother and sister in-law) to the airport so I got to open all of my presents yesterday morning :) I know, I sound like a small child. Trust me, that is about how much patience I have when it comes to presents, not so much mine but the ones I get other people. My mom's present is still on it's way and it was oh so difficult for me to not tell her what it was over the phone.

Anyways, the drive the to airport was actually a lot of fun. We were all kind of out of it but enjoyed talking and thank goodness the weather wasn't horrible like last year. Last night when we went out to dinner with Gary and Liz, Gabe was wearing some of his new clothes I got him for Christmas and Gary said something like "You take good care of your husband." It made me smile.

So... today.
After the airport we came home and relaxed for awhile. We ate what I guess you could call brunch which consisted of leftover pizza, puppy chow, poptarts, plus a piece of whole wheat toast and eggs for me(gotta love diabetes and trying to balance all that sugar). We played some of the board and card games we got for Christmas and watched a few Christmas movies, then it was Panda Express for dinner, a little Christmas music and the Christmas story. Now, we are sitting here; me blogging and Gabe playing video games with Christmas music still playing.

I love today. I love how much my husband loves and cares for me. I love that everyone I have talked to has really enjoyed the presents I gave and that I have so many people to love.
I am so grateful for Christ and His willingness to come to earth for everyone of us.
Even if this started out as a pagan holiday I am grateful for what it has turned into.

Tomorrow is back to normal life and all the responsibilities that come with it.
But today is a moment of Peace On Earth... at least for our little family.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Best Husband Award

I know that almost everyone says they have the best husband ever and so this is a bit cliche but I just wanted to express how grateful I am for my husband, especially after this weekend.

Gabe knew how... intense my family was when he agreed to this whole marriage thing. He knew that my little brothers call me all the time to talk about things in their life (girlfriend break ups, lost pets and Benji's football games to name a few) and that if my sister is in trouble I will drop everything to help, if I can. He knows that my mom has crazy health, my brothers are overprotective and that there is most likely some sort of family drama going on at all times. And yet, the man still agreed to it all.

This weekend was especially crazy because we are trying to get Emily to Oklahoma. I had to stay home all day Saturday from work, groceries and other errands to wait for a mailman who never came. And yesterday I stayed home to wait for my sister while Gabe did the laundry. Seriously, he did all of the laundry (it was almost two weeks worth)and then brought it home and folded it and put most of it away.

What man does that?

My husband :)

I know once we graduate school things with the laundry will change... But I am so grateful for how supportive he is. He loves my little brothers and sister. He reassures me when I worry over my mom and helps support me when it all comes down. Basically, he is the best husband for me. And that is something I will forever be grateful for.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Home for the Holidays...

This year Gabe and I will be staying in Utah for Christmas. By the time we realized our car isn't reliable enough to make the 2,281 mile trip plane tickets were kind of ridiculous and Gabe was pretty weary about taking off that much work time right before the new semester. So, here we stay. To say I am disappointed is an understatement but so is saying I am grateful. Let me explain.

I love my family. I love being able to just go home and not have to worry about working and cooking dinner and cleaning my apartment (even thought I help with the latter two at my mom's house, somehow it is different). I love seeing all of my cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, siblings, parents and those I am pretty sure I am related to but not sure how. I love how I hate my mom making us all dress up and go caroling to random people in her ward and the five to ten pounds I know I am going to have to loose once I get back to Utah. I love Gabe's family, I was excited to see exactly how Christmas is for them, listen to the ridiculous stories they tell on Gabe and watch the Polar Express I don't know how many times.

But, because we can't (and because I already told my husband I was just going to drive home when I get paid Friday and he laughed and said call me when you break down)I am choosing to be grateful for the following reasons: 1. We will both be working forty hours a week for two weeks. That means tuition and books will be covered without any short terms loans (I hope) 2. I get to spend time with Gabe. I love school and am grateful for a job and all the running around we do when our friends are in town. But because it is the holidays, we have no homework and almost everyone is going to be out of town we will for the most part we will have a lot of time to just spend with each other. 3. No packing! For some people packing is no big deal, for me it is usually an event, and I always end up leaving something behind. 4. I don't have to stress out about the car... or driving... or directions... or music selection... or bathroom breaks... or dealing with finding road trip foods I can actually eat.

Basically, I will miss everyone, a lot but maybe having a low hassle holiday will be something I will enjoy as well. A chance to establish our own traditions and hopefully not have to eat Christmas dinner out because I ruined it (yeah I know, pray for a miracle on that one) will be quite the memory all of its own.

But, I'm buying plane tickets for next year by February at the latest :)

Thursday, December 9, 2010

sometimes I think I would be more successful if I took Thumper's advice a little more seriously...

'Tis the season...
And yet it seems that this time of year people are the most selfish, impatient and downright rude. Maybe it is finals, maybe it is because I go to college where it seems that people are the most self-absorbed (only to be surpassed by high school students) and maybe it's because people are so busy being insane consumers that they forget you're supposed to be nice. I guess I can be guilty of that sometimes...
So here is a few things I'm going to work on...

1. Go a day without saying anything negative about anybody

2. Next time you are tempted to be impatient take a deep breath and think something positive about the person, even if they're a complete stranger

3. Give one of your presents to charity or the money for it to charity... or just someone in need

4. Forgive someone who hasn't asked for it

5. Sing a Christmas song at the top of your lungs while driving

6. Make baked goods with loved ones

7. Find time to read a good book

8. Read the real Christmas story and remember why it is we are celebrating

9. Enjoy a favorite hot drink

10. Watch a cheesy Christmas movie

11. Find a moment in all the crazy holiday chaos for a moment of peace

That's my list... I hope everyone finds their own

Happy Christmas!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I am scared...

Remember that force I wanted to be?
Well.. I've figured out how I want to do it. But, I am scared I won't be able to. Silly? Yes. Also realistic? ... Yes.

I want to change my major again. And I KNOW that sounds ridiculous but, hear me out and you might understand. I've been trying to figure out my undergrad for awhile now. I know what I want to do with life... But the road to getting there is getting kind of confusing. If I change majors now, I can graduate a year earlier then my current major with a minor in business management AND have a better chance of getting into my grad school.

Am I really changing my major a year before graduation?
Am I really scared of doing something different?
Am I a complete mess?

Multiple question, single answer.

I have always wanted to go to grad school but have been scared of it. Why? What is it that I have to be afraid of? Failure. Not finishing. Being a bad LDS woman because I want an education before children.

The last one of those fears is probably the most ridiculous. All throughout my life I have been encouraged to get an education, and at whatever level I desire. If I start having kids at 27 with a PhD is that really such a bad thing? If I start having kids at 24 with a masters is that? Ridiculous...

All of it. I used to be brave.
I'm going to start again.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Cheesy Love

and I love it... Smile :)

Saturday, November 27, 2010

a doormat or a force to be reckoned with?

I am going to start this with a precursor... maybe that is not the best way to start a post but nonetheless that is how this one will start.
Precursor---> I was up until 3am working on a group project... by myself (with a little help from my husband, because unlike my group he has to live with me and when I'm stressed I sing to myself and he was trying to play a video game... wow I'm rambling... but I warned you) I then woke up at 9:30 to continue work on said project and finally finished about ten minutes ago.

So, I might not be all the way awake... or sane at this point. You know that is a possibility. If you have ever taken an abnormal psychology class you know that stress can bring about mental illnesses such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder especially from the ages of 18- 25 (and that is when we go to college... why?!) but the likelihood of me loosing it over a group/ Heather does all the work project is highly unlikely. If that amount of stress would have caused me to go over the edge it would have happened a long time ago.

ANYWAYS... The point of this post is that I am not very pleased with myself at the moment. Somehow, I landed the job of staying up until 3am working on a group project that I have planned and executed much by myself even before last night. And I did it. Sure, I cursed my group member's very existence several times over last night, and then when I finally did get to bed I had dreams about one of the members stealing our book and asking for a ransom in the form of an iPad for it. But the point is, I did it. Why?! Why didn't I just not do it and let them fall on their faces? Because that would mean me falling as well. And I don't want to. So the question I am still trying to figure out about myself is this: Am I a doormat or a force to be reckoned with? I suppose that one could say I will end up learning the most out of this project (like proofreading at 3am is NOT a good idea and now I know how to use Microsoft Publisher and Photoshop beyond what I will probably ever need again) but... does it matter?

The rest of my group wasn't willing to figure out how to do those things (one of them is in Mexico, one was at Jazz game and the other drove home to SLC and went to bed). But, what if I would have said NO! I have planned this entire project out, I have delegated work and then had to redo it because all you did was copy and paste from articles online, and I had to reformat almost every single picture because you wouldn't take the time to upload it in the right format. I am NOT going to make this book by myself. What would have happened? Would somebody else have stepped up and done it? Sad to say, out of this group... I doubt it.

So what does that make me? A doormat or a force? Maybe I'll get back to you on that one...

Friday, November 26, 2010

Wanna hear a funny story?

Gabe and I were soo excited about the other's main Christmas present...
Just to find out we bought each other the same thing for Christmas.
ha ha ha...

The Complete Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson

We are both big fans of Calvin and Hobbes and lately we've come across comics that explain one or the other almost to a T and so we both thought how perfect?!
A little too perfect I guess...

I think it's pretty funny. Now we just have to figure out how returnable they are :P

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I don't know what to think...

Satan is SO good at what he does. Ok, so he calls good bad and bad good but then he goes a step further and tries to make you sympathize with the bad and be angry with the good.

And it is SO frustrating.

I know that acting on homosexual feelings is wrong. I also know it is wrong to bully, make fun of and belittle those who do. So where is the medium? How do I respect someone as a human being but not as a homosexual? How do I love someone for who they are but not for what they believe in?

I get not saying "that's so gay." I understand not using the three letter f word, and I don't think gay jokes are really all that funny unless they are in good taste (I tend to laugh at jokes aimed towards me too as long as they are harmless)

But what I don't get is how I am supposed to talk to someone about being gay, having crushes on someone of the same sex, etc. Do I even talk about it? I don't believe in not associating with someone because of their choice of sexuality (unless its towards little kids... that's just creepy)
But I do have my beliefs and I want to be able to respect people while not having what I believe trampled on.
When I was at Stanford there was one other girl who was conservative in our entire group of friends. It was really difficult and sometimes some pretty hurtful things were said about us, whether it was to our face or not because we believe in God, or didn't believe in abortion or gay marriage. I never want to inflict that hurt on someone else. I never want to be the cause of that pain. But I want to be able to express my beliefs and be given the same respect I strive to give others.

But how does that happen?
I suppose this is probably one of those questions I take to Heavenly Father in sincere prayer.

Monday, November 15, 2010

This is Why I'm A Mormon...

I have been completely stressed for one reason or another for probably about a month straight. But as I sit here listening to songs about the Savior and his birth I can't feel anything but peace and an overwhelming gratitude for what He has done for me.

I love the peace the gospel of Jesus Christ has brought into my life, how I have been able to bless the lives of others through it and learning what it means to truly love

Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas

Saturday, November 13, 2010

So... we have discovered I can bake but not cook...

tonight I ruined a box of hamburger helper...

Instead of setting it on simmer for 25 minutes I put it on mid heat...

dinner was... crunchy

poor Gabe. at least he can never say my cooking will make him fat :)

Friday, November 12, 2010

Kidney Stones...

Everyone gets sick... I get sick a little more than the average person but its something I have accepted, or so I thought. I've never had cancer, I've only had a handful of surgeries in my life and I have nothing life threatening. I have always considered being sick to be an annoyance (which is sometimes expencisve, ICU bills don't come cheap) but one I could live with. And then I got kidney stones. I HATE kidney stones and they most obviously hate me. I found myself getting angry last night because I was sick yet again...

I know I should be grateful that they are temporary, that I live in a country with access to good health care and that I have a husband who will stay up until past 1am with me until the painkiller kicks in...
I AM grateful for all of these things

But I think I will be even more grateful when the time comes that I can be thankful for good health

This is going to be random...

I am starting a new job Monday. I will now be a secretary in a building on campus.

I am usually the adventurous type. I love starting a new semester because... its new! I love trying new items at restaurants and I am usually up for any challenge.

But...
I am scared to death of this new job. Maybe its because of how quickly it all came about (on Wednesday I had a professor suggest I apply for this job, I had an interview that day and an hour later they called me to say I was hired). Maybe it's because I have worked at the same on campus job since my second semester at BYU and maybe there is no real reason behind it except sometimes I am a big chicken.

It's a great opportunity, pays a little better and best of all I get to do homework in my downtime, which will be SO nice next semester when I am taking 16+ credits.

So why does it seem like there is a rock in my stomach? Who knows...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Autumn did not last very long... here I am trudging around in snow boots and a coat and hat. I should probably invest in some gloves and a scarf or two. Yikes!

Just for the record I hate group projects. Not because I don't like working with people, I do. It is just irritating to work with arrogant boys who think they're business men. But, I suppose this is an excellent chance for me to have a learning opportunity. I am learning patience, how to think kind thoughts about unkind people, and how to do my fair share and try to motivate others to do theirs. Or at least that's the goal.

Also, there is a current curtain debate at my apartment. Gabe wants energy efficient curtains, I want curtains that aren't ugly. After visiting three major department stores last night I am beginning to wonder if cute, energy efficient curtains exist, or if they're up there with Sasqwatch and Jack Skelly...

In the words of my sister: yup, you are definitely married.

And Gabe's birthday is next week... any ideas? I have the presents I just don't know what to do for the actual event.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

ode to autumn...

i love autumn. so much in fact that i wanted to name one of my daughters Autumn. but you cant name a kid Autumn Eaton... its just rude.
but i love the season all the same. i love the trees changing colors. i love the crisp air. i love college football. i love being able to wear my cardigans again. i love all the colorful squashes and pumpkins. i love the pumpkin flavored everything that seems to infest stores. i love going on walks and not being sweaty by the time i'm finished. i love the bold new colors that the fashion arena brings. i love that people dont comment on how pale i am. i love that i can wear boots but i don't have to yet. i love it all.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Sister Wives....

there is a new show in TLC that i am kind of obsessed with... in an anthropological sort of way.

it is about a polygamist family in lehi, utah. they don't all wear the dresses or have the tall hair dos but they do practice polygamy.

its interesting to see how they live their lives, and why they believe what they do. i suppose it gives me yet another viewpoint that i do not agree with...

but i now more fully understand it and that is something i believe is important

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Huntsman Senior World Games

I am in an internship class at BYU this semester and our big project was going down to St. George for three days and helping with free health screening at the Senior World Games. Besides missing my husband like crazy (just ask the girl I went with, thanks for all the support Natalie!) It was a lot of fun and I learned a few things about working with older people and in the medical field in general.

For the most part I was handing out fliers at the front entrance of the health screening place. I was the one who had to turn people away if they didn't have the right identification with them. Fun job, right? I think I would rather stick people with needles...However, because I was at the front it also gave me a lot of opportunity to talk to various people, literally from all over the world. Sometimes their English wasn't the best, and it was difficult to communicate, but overall it was interesting hearing different people's backgrounds and recent triumphs (it is a big deal to get a gold metal in one of the rated events, i LOVED seeing these people with medals around their necks and then asking them what it was for and having their faces light up as they told me).

We were also able to meet and speak with John Kayne, a world renouned genetic and DNA researcher. As I was eating massive amounts of amazing Pizza Factory pizza (and I do mean amazing) he was explaining the latest discovervies in linking chromosomes and genetic coding with diseases such as alzhiemers and heart disorders. It was fascinating and I am amazed at how far the medical world has come in the last few years.  

I also went to the thrift store down there and scored a brand new ralph lauren sweater, a skirt, a dress, a pair of awesome church shoes, a cardigan, another nice sweater, a belt, a new pair of sweat pants AND a book to read for the next few days all for less than $25 :)

all in all it was a successful and fun trip, but i wont be leaving my husband for 3 days again anytime soon

Monday, October 4, 2010

it all goes by so fast...

it seems to me like everytime I turn around one of my neices is a year older, my little brothers are starting to grow up and I am learning more and more of what it means to be an adult. I cant believe that the semester is half way over. time really does fly by...
i have been way too lenient in how i choose to spend my time. besides school and work i mostly end up doing nothing... which i want to change. yes, i am incredibly busy as it is but i think if i constructed my time better, things might seem a little less cluttered

goal of the week: get out of the house and into nature

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Life Update...

so here's a quick update on my life... and i suppose a reason of sorts as to why i havent been blogging...

1. I was accepted to my major (theraputic recration) whoot whoo! ... although I am confused as to why I will be graduating from the Marriot School of Business when I am doing a recreational management and youth leadership major i am more than ok with it...

2. I have an internship this fall... the actual time i will be spending down in St. George at my internship is 3 days... 3 days of tons of health care testing free of charge at the Huntsman World Senior Games.. I am pretty stoked to go and work with senior citizens from all over the world for a few days :) but the time i dont really enjoy is all the research and training involved before and after I go down there...

3. married life is great. i love my husband and every chance i get to see him. i know this sounds incredibly cheesy but i miss him when he goes to class. haha. that being said marriage is soo frustrating sometimes! i am glad i dont have to do it alone though :) Gabe and I are figuring this thing out together

4. my momma is coming to visit me and i am excited

5. i know i know... i need to post wedding pictures... i'll try to do that soon
promise.

6. Heavenly Father is amazing. and i forget that sometimes in my life. i go along and think 'wow, i am awesome!' ha! not even true. i am so grateful for the love and kindness my father in Heaven has shown to me, especially throughout this past year. there have been quite a few times that i have wanted to give in and give up but the strength of the Lord has carried me through. i love that

7. my letter to the editor did get published... it also got butchered by the editor long story short i have learned a few lessons: never to write into the daily universe, just because a person holds a position doesnt mean they are qualified to

Friday, September 10, 2010

a celebration of labor...

so... this labor day i broke my tradition of having a snowball fight (Gabe and the guys werent really excited for it and since Lyss is gone on it has kind of died...) and we decided to throw a barbq for Jame's birthday... but since we couldnt find a grill we ended up using our broiler and still had loads of fun. i made a cookie cake, and it was the first time we were all together again since we dropped Alyssa off at the airport in May...

Happy (late) Birthday James :)






yeah... we're kind of dorks

funny how one thing can make such a difference...

most of our furniture has come for free from other people (my brother-in-law's inlaws gave us two chairs and the couch, Matt and Brianna bought us our bed, the dresser and old entertainment center came from Gabe's dad and stepmom) and we are ever so grateful but the entertainment center didnt fit our tv and took up soo much of the living room... i wish i had a before picture but i just have afters... anyways, we found this awesome deal on labor day and went and got a new entertainment center and then Gabe being the amazing husband that he is spent almost 4 hours putting it together while i layed on the couch sick...
anyways it looks amazing and now the apartment really feels like home.



who knew that one item made such a difference...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

embrace it...

i know this is SOO cliche but i am tired of people not loving therr bodies...

unless there is a medical reason or youre just overconsuming i don't see a reason to work out all the time... be obssesed with loosing weight or judging others for it...

i love my body... flab and all :)

Thursday, September 2, 2010

married life is...

having to laugh because my husband has been sitting in the bathroom for the past half hour due to one too many fiber one bars....
earlier today he swore that they have no effect on him


**beware the fiber bar... i think two is the limit and that might even be pushing it

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

it's a simple life i lead...

and i love it

-books take me away to far off places. i got a passport this summer but i have yet to leave the country. who knows, maybe someday i will get to travel across the world. until then i have thousands of adventures to embark upon and gorgeous places to see through the eyes of others.


-music makes my soundtrack for life. if i am addicted to anything, its music and the variety is pretty diverse. some people have been blessed with the talent of producing music. i have been blessed with the talent of thoroughly enjoying it. some songs i have enjoyed as of late:

color blind - counting crows
the blowers daughter- damien rice
Amsterdam Acoustics - Avant La Lettre : No Procedure That Fits
you and i - ingrid michaelson
This Is The New Year - Ian Axel


-and my husband loves me more than i think i really comprehend. Gabe is so good to me. our love story/ life hasnt exactly been normal but the thing is i like it that way. he has known me for over eight years, he knows my quirks, the things that he loves and the things that drive him crazy (idk how many times i have tried to stop using the phrase 'so is your face' its an inside joke from high school that he hates... ) but mostly he just tries to make sure i'm happy. for a 22 year old guy he is one of the most unselfish people i know. ok.. i'm off my mushy soapbox :)

-my family keeps me grounded. my family is crazy, both in the general sense of the word and not. they are all over the place all the time and since there are so many of us it seems like something big is always going on. but it seems like the things that happen with them are what reminds me of the reality of life.

-my classes help me to remember how much i dont know. i was SO smart... until i came to college :P this is most definitely one the biggest learning experiences of my life. i've had fun, its been painful but mostly i've enjoyed it.

-my friends let me be who i am. i'd like to think i have found some of the least fake people out there and they have become my friends, and that i will forever be grateful for.
-my job teaches me patience... tests my integrity... shows me the importance of loyalty... and that i will be so glad to get a degree

-money reminds me of the important things in life. maybe because i dont have a lot of it, maybe because when i make up a budget i have to prioritize and maybe because the things i cherish the most dont come from it... idk but it seems like whenever i deal with money it always helps me to realize what i want in life the most, and why

Friday, July 30, 2010

I'm ready...

to be off of work for two weeks

for school to start again

to see my little brothers

to see all of my family and friends from back home

to not have to worry about invitations, hair dos, make up, dresses, travel plans, who is staying where and how to accommodate to everyone....


to be married to my best friend... forever

Sunday, July 25, 2010

some days i learn more than others...

so...
as of late i have been insanely busy (shock shock, so is everyone else, and i'm getting married) but with all that busy i have learned a few things... about myself and others

1. I am not nearly as patient as I should be
I've probably said this more than once, even on here. But the more I am in a relationship with someone where I can't just take some time away from and the more I work with people, the same people on a daily basis...
the more I realize I have a lot to work on. but i also realized that I like patience... its actually a really good thing to realize I just waited for someone for nearly 20 minutes when they said it would be 5 and I didn't get irritated. being patient makes me a nicer person... not the let everyone walk all over me nicer. but the, i am actually pleasant to be around nice.

and who could argue with that being a good thing?

2. I am actually a pretty shy person
I have a comfort zone where people are concerned and I am not one to stray from it... which is an odd realization for me... I think it came into play when I started to get to know my in laws better. and I am so glad that they are becoming a part of my comfort zone, especially the ones out here where I live. it makes the transition to married life that much easier
that being said... want to know the thing i dread the most about the wedding? that it's all about me... (and Gabe, but after all i'm the girl in the pretty white dress) I am dreading the fact that everyone will be looking at me... focusing on me. i'm not sure i know how to handle that. i enjoy being in the background of things

3. I really enjoy simplicity...
i've discovered this even more so lately and i have been making wedding choices. i like the more simple ring, the more simple cake,... etc. the point is most things in my life that are not within my control are quite complex and so i think that i just like to keep it simple when they are

4. It's a lot easier for me to forgive complete strangers who have done mean things than it is those I love...
this seems entirely backwards to me... but it's true. it is so much easier for me to forgive that kid who completely trashed the room he was staying in (and to top it all off stopped up the toilet with urine and feces and a double decker) than someone who thought ill of me a year or two ago who i am now related to. he got over it, why can't i?
.... i'm working on it. and that is something I love about the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that me forgiving said person is a good thing and therefore I know I am not alone in the endeavor. I have the support of God and Jesus Christ every step of the way... not to mention an understanding fiance who loves me and helps me to become a better person every day


it's interesting that when I stop to think about what it is I actually want, and who it is I want to be with that I come to all of these self realizations... both negative and positive. not that it's a bad thing...

Sunday, June 20, 2010

the dress...

we went to go take pictures on my lunch break... i'm not wearing the right type of bra and little to no makeup but... you get the idea :D







my first diet... ever

i've never been one of those girls who watched what she ate... except to watch it go in my mouth...

but as i get older and my metabolism is starting to slow down i figure i should probably try to eat healthier... i used to love veggies and fruits

but currently i have 3 bananas sitting on my table that went bad because i didnt eat them. weird.

anyways...
i've decided to eat better... starting with the "special k challenge" for the next two weeks... and i am going to start hitting the gym again

i dont have a specific goal for weight... or a size or anything like that... i just want to be healthy again.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

once upon a time...

i havent blogged in forever... mostly because i got engaged and all i ever do is sleep, go to work and plan the wedding... with an occasional adventure to two thrown in. anyways... this is a post i've been promising a few people for awhile so here it goes, in Q&A format

how did i meet my fiance?
I have known Gabe since we were fourteen... we are pretty sure we met at a stake activity that involved pre-seminary instruction but can't be sure... its not like we were interested in each other at the time... in fact, up until we dated Gabe was kind of my wing man and I was his(minus the whole man thing)... he helped me get guys to notice me and I coached him through asking girls out... time and again. That is actually how we started dating the first time. And here is where the story gets... interesting?

when did we start dating?
I came out to BYU in January of 2007 and Gabe had already been here for a semester and so like the good friend he was he showed me around campus and where my classes would be. We had some crazy adventures which always consisted of us hanging out until way too late talking about how baffling the opposite sex was to us... and one night, possibly due to lack of sleep we decided that we were going to 'fake date' in order to make our current love interests jealous. (yeah i know... who does that?!) so we went out one night and took pictures around town of us hanging out... and the more we planned for this fake dating the more we enjoyed spending time with each other... and by the time April fools day came (about 4 days later and the day we were going to tell everyone it was a joke)we were actually dating.

we were freshman... it was fun. but we knew it was temporary. he was leaving on a mission soon and so it seemed like it all ended as quickly as it began. we wrote each other for the next two years merely as friends. i dated around, he served the Lord and after seeing how amazing the mission had been for him and my other friends i decided i wanted to serve a mission as well. at this point we both assumed that the other would be married by the time we got back to Provo and so it was a bit confusing when we found ourselves once again both in Provo, both single... and both still quite perplexed about life, liberty and the pursuit thereof.

and somehow i found myself one night standing in my living room with my eyes closed with no idea as to what was about to occur. Emily (my sister) wanted to take Gabe and I out to dinner and so while i was getting ready Gabe asked if I had some twine. I kind of laughed and said something like no... but i might have some string. i went and grabbed some string and gave it to him, not thinking twice about it and continued getting ready, which took all of maybe 5 more minutes. and when i came out Gabe asked to use the bathroom (i promise this is relevant to the story, little did i know that he was making a ring out of string and that i hadnt given him nearly enough time to complete said task so he used the bathroom excuse to finish making it) when he came out he told me to close my eyes and turn around because he had a surprise for me (i was completely taken by surprise, the last time he gave me a surprise it was a truffle... not that i didnt appreciate it, but i was expecting something along those lines) so when i turned around, and he was down on one knee, with this ring he had made i was taken back... and then he said a bunch of mushy things i have promised not to tell the world and then "Heather Nicole, i'm starving will you go to dinner?" laughed and then seriously said "Heather Nicole Koval, will you marry me?" as he slipped my amazing little ring on my finger.
it was perfect. i loved it. and the more days that go by the more i know i made the right choice by saying yes

Gabe is perfect for me. We have the funnest adventures together... like chasing each other around the library tonight, and looking for housing and free furniture. everyone says we're still in the goo goo eyed stage... but i'm not so sure. we have had to deal with our fair share of hardships and disagreements involving each other and others. I know there will be plenty more to come, but I also know there is no one else I would rather face those challenges with.

Gabe is my best friend in the entire world and now I get to be with him for eternity.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

and i guess i am blessed...

but sometimes i dont see it as such (Rocket Summer lyrics)

this morning i woke up and talked to my girl Andrea on the phone for nearly an hour and then when i got online i had the absolute sweetest message from another friend, Ashley. last night i was texting Angela before bed and this morning i was talking to my friend Alyssa about the day... besides having an unusually large amount of friends whose names start with A i realized that i have been so blessed by the people who have been placed in my life. Heavenly Father has always looked out for me and made sure that I am surrounded by those who love me. they support me and the decisions i make and there is a mutual respect, that even if we dont agree completely with one another's decisions, unless it is completely brain damaged we try to be as understanding as possible.

somedays i feel like i am fighting the whole world... but i know i'm never at it alone.

i always have friends, family and Christ there to support me. i know how entirely preachy that sounds, and possibly a little bit ridiculous, but it's true. i have always been held by Him no matter what the circumstances. I have always been able to make it through the next thing with Him standing by my side. and i am so grateful that through it all there has been this overwhelming reassurance of love.

if you're reading this you are most likely one of those people, and while it doesn't fully explain what i mean... thank you, it has meant the difference between success and failure for me

Sunday, May 2, 2010

stuffed frenchtoast and sliced fingers

today at church my roommate and i decided that we wanted breakfast for dinner... pancakes, sausage, eggs, orange juice... yum!
and then Lyss came over and we decided to make chocolate chip pancakes and then the guys came over and Andy says "have you ever heard of stuffed french toast, are we having stuffed french toast?" i laughed... and before i knew what was going on there was Andy and Gabe making stuffed french toast,(we had our doubts, but it was amazing, i might just have to have them cook for us again)our pancakes had chocolate chips in them (this is where the finger comes in: as i was opening the chocolate chips i somehow managed to also slice my finger and half of my fingernail), and our eggs were fluffy and filled with pepper jack cheese. it was pretty amazing overall and it was fun. i've missed being able to just hang out with people without the worries of homework and other pressing deadlines. a few times tonight i caught myself thinking "wait, i need to be doing something..." only to realize i didnt.

plus, i cooked and nobody died from it... i might be catching on to this whole homemaking thing... i might even be enjoying it...
me? enjoying cooking? and being successful at it?

its true... sometimes the impossible does occur.

and i know i need to update on Oklahoma... but even more i need to get some sleep before tomorrow and my first insane day back at work

Sunday, April 18, 2010

countdown...

here it is:
3 days until i will be in Oklahoma!
2 days until i get to have the last Lyndi-Heather adventure for quite sometime
1 day until i am finished with finals!

summer,
you are sooo close. but i need to go study now.

and because i am such a hopeless...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VF4nh7hEeg

Thursday, April 8, 2010

filing taxes, words of wisdom and vacations of sort

i'm weird.
my roommate tells me this quite often. come to think of it... quite a few of my friends do. and i suppose they have reason to. i say odd things, randomly break out in dance and... well if you're reading this you probably know what i'm talking about. i'm not sure how many people know what i'm about to say, have guessed at it or were completely unaware but i have (for the majority of my life) had major self esteem issues. i have been not pretty, smart, fun, loving, or overall good enough. i have judged myself and been found wanting and deemed hopeless in ever improving enough to be someone worthwhile. now, before i get a slew of comments saying otherwise, i know. i was entirely wrong. it just took me awhile to get here, to understand who it is God has helped me to become and who it is i have always been (His beautiful daughter, who He loves unconditionally). i remember hearing these inspirational lessons about my worth in church and being treated otherwise by those who taught said lessons. no one is perfect. it happens. they're still learning too. but at age 14 that was difficult to understand. then i would go home, turn on the tv, flip open a magazine, listen to music or watch whatever on the internet that i would then compare myself to. and i was never good enough. i carried that with me to college, where an amazing friend started to show me otherwise. he wouldnt let me put myself down and began to show me how my Father in Heaven viewed me. but i still didnt quite get it. i based my self worth on what guys paid attention to me, what girls were my friends, how many compliments i received, the number of people i outdid in school and many other shallow and mundane things. feeling fat? why not go buy a new shirt... feeling ugly? more make up it is. feeling lonely? go aimlessly flirt...
not that i was constantly like that, or that it was always my main focus but i was about as shallow as a puddle. and i tried to perfect myself in all the wrong areas.
but, overtime i have changed, i have allowed myself to be measured by a loving Heavenly Father, who has yet to tell me i'm perfect but who constantly makes sure i know how much He loves me. i know one big difference is i stopped judging others so harshly and started to try and love them more. i focused on the positive attributes they had and prefer to leave the negative ones alone. well, i try ;)
another i have done is i am constantly trying to improve myself in the Lord's eyes. to become who He wants me to be. and while I am not anywhere near perfect... I know its ridiculous for me to think i could be at this point.

and mostly... i think i've lightened up. a lot. somethings just dont matter as much. at all. as long as i am focusing on the "glorious potential" the Lord has given to me i am good to go.

i remember one night reading one of my favorite children's books to my little brother and having this sentence stick out to me. last night my roommate shared the same quote again with me and it reminded me all over again of what i know to be true

"You weren't an accident. You weren't mass produced. You aren't an assembly-line product. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on the earth by the Master Craftsman" -Max Lucado

my talents are just that, mine. my flaws are as well. and while i know i am not what i must become i also know i wasnt sent here perfect.
so, yay for weird. not in the i dont shower or know how to interact with other people way but weird in the sense that yeah... i just did that quirky thing and i'm ok with it.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

when someone changes your life with an article, its best to share

Helping, Fixing or Serving?

By Rachel Naomi Remen

"Fixing and helping create a distance between people, but we cannot serve at a distance. We canonly serve that to which we are profoundly connected."


Helping, fixing and serving represent three different ways of seeing life. When you help, you see life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. Fixing and helping may be the work of the ego, and service the work of the soul.

Service rests on the premise that the nature of life is sacred, that life is a holy mystery which has an unknown purpose. When we serve, we know that we belong to life and to that purpose. From the perspective of service, we are all connected: All suffering is like my suffering and all joy is like my joy. The impulse to serve emerges naturally and inevitably from this way of seeing.

Serving is different from helping. Helping is not a relationship between equals. A helper may see others as weaker than they are, needier than they are, and people often feel this inequality. The danger in helping is that we may inadvertently take away from people more than we could ever give them; we may diminish their self-esteem, their sense of worth, integrity or even wholeness.

When we help, we become aware of our own strength. But when we serve, we don’t serve with our strength; we serve with ourselves, and we draw from all of our experiences. Our limitations serve; our wounds serve; even our darkness can serve. My pain is the source of my compassion; my woundedness is the key to my empathy.

Serving makes us aware of our wholeness and its power. The wholeness in us serves the wholeness in others and the wholeness in life. The wholeness in you is the same as the wholeness in me. Service is a relationship between equals: our service strengthens us as well as others. Fixing and helping are draining, and over time we may burn out, but service is renewing. When we serve, our work itself will renew us. In helping we may find a sense of satisfaction; in serving we find a sense of gratitude.

Harry, an emergency physician, tells a story about discovering this. One evening on his shift in a busy emergency room, a woman was brought in about to give birth. When he examined her, Harry realized immediately that her obstetrician would not be able to get there in time and he was going to deliver this baby himself. Harry likes the technical challenge of delivering babies, and he was pleased. The team swung into action, one nurse hastily opening the instrument packs and two others standing at the foot of the table on either side of Harry, supporting the woman’s legs on their shoulders and murmuring reassurance. The baby was born almost immediately.

While the infant was still attached to her mother, Harry laid her along his left forearm. Holding the back of her head in his left hand, he took a suction bulb in his right and began to clear her mouth and nose of mucous. Suddenly, the baby opened her eyes and looked directly at him. In that instant, Harry stepped past all of his training and realized a very simple thing: that he was the first human being this baby girl had ever seen. He felt his heart go out to her in welcome from all people everywhere, and tears came to his eyes.

Harry has delivered hundreds of babies, and has always enjoyed the excitement of making rapid decisions and testing his own competency. But he says that he had never let himself experience the meaning of what he was doing before, or recognize what he was serving with his expertise. In that flash of recognition he felt years of cynicism and fatigue fall away and remembered why he had chosen this work in the first place. All his hard work and personal sacrifice suddenly seemed to him to be worth it.

He feels now that, in a certain sense, this was the first baby he ever delivered. In the past he had been preoccupied with his expertise, assessing and responding to needs and dangers. He had been there many times as an expert, but never before as a human being. He wonders how many other such moments of connection to life he has missed. He suspects there have been many.

As Harry discovered, serving is different from fixing. In fixing, we see others as broken, and respond to this perception with our expertise. Fixers trust their own expertise but may not see the wholeness in another person or trust the integrity of the life in them. When we serve we see and trust that wholeness. We respond to it and collaborate with it. And when we see the wholeness in another, we strengthen it. They may then be able to see it for themselves for the first time.

One woman who served me profoundly is probably unaware of the difference she made in my life. In fact, I do not even know her last name and I am sure she has long forgotten mine.

At twenty-nine, because of Crohn’s Disease, much of my intestine was removed surgically and I was left with an ileostomy. A loop of bowel opens on my abdomen and an ingeniously designed plastic appliance which I remove and replace every few days covers it. Not an easy thing for a young woman to live with, and I was not at all sure that I would be able to do this. While this surgery had given me back much of my vitality, the appliance and the profound change in my body made me feel hopelessly different, permanently shut out of the world of femininity and elegance.

At the beginning, before I could change my appliance myself, it was changed for me by nurse specialists called enterostomal therapists. These white-coated experts were women my own age. They would enter my hospital room, put on an apron, a mask and gloves, and then remove and replace my appliance. The task completed, they would strip off all their protective clothing. Then they would carefully wash their hands. This elaborate ritual made it harder for me. I felt shamed.

One day a woman I had never met before came to do this task. It was late in the day and she was dressed not in a white coat but in a silk dress, heels and stockings. She looked as if she was about to meet someone for dinner. In a friendly way she told me her first name and asked if I wished to have my ileostomy changed. When I nodded, she pulled back my covers, produced a new appliance, and in the most simple and natural way imaginable removed my old one and replaced it, without putting on gloves. I remember watching her hands. She had washed them carefully before she touched me. They were soft and gentle and beautifully cared for. She was wearing a pale pink nail polish and her delicate rings were gold.

At first, I was stunned by this break in professional procedure. But as she laughed and spoke with me in the most ordinary and easy way, I suddenly felt a great wave of unsuspected strength come up from someplace deep in me, and I knew without the slightest doubt that I could do this. I could find a way. It was going to be all right.

I doubt that she ever knew what her willingness to touch me in such a natural way meant to me. In ten minutes she not only tended my body, but healed my wounds. What is most professional is not always what best serves and strengthens the wholeness in others. Fixing and helping create a distance between people, an experience of difference. We cannot serve at a distance. We can only serve that to which we are profoundly connected, that which we are willing to touch. Fixing and helping are strategies to repair life. We serve life not because it is broken but because it is holy.

Serving requires us to know that our humanity is more powerful than our expertise. In forty-five years of chronic illness I have been helped by a great number of people, and fixed by a great many others who did not recognize my wholeness. All that fixing and helping left me wounded in some important and fundamental ways. Only service heals.

Service is not an experience of strength or expertise; service is an experience of mystery, surrender and awe. Helpers and fixers feel causal. Servers may experience from time to time a sense of being used by larger unknown forces. Those who serve have traded a sense of mastery for an experience of mystery, and in doing so have transformed their work and their lives into practice.


Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D. is Associate Clinical Professor of Family and Community Medicine at U.C.S.F. Medical School and co-founder and medical director of the Commonweal Cancer Help Program. She is author of the bestseller, Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories That Heal.

Helping, Fixing or Serving?, Rachel Naomi Remen, Shambhala Sun, September 1999.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

hello alone...

or i'll make yet another music post.
because that is what i do.
i listen to vast amounts of music, constantly analyzing the lyrics, beat, chords and any other random tidbits that seem to draw me in like animals to a water hole. why this analogy?
because music is the water to my soul. when i go too long without it i begin to tire and wither...

my current obsessions :

artist: Yiruma
album: First Love

this is piano only, and i love this album. it is amazing. when i am having the worst day and my brain has become so cluttered that lyrics are too much i simply turn it on and i am instantly calmed by the smooth soft melodies that seem to be healing my soul. my particular favorite is A River Flows in You

artist: Anberlin
i'm not sure why i havent discovered this band before now.

"broken hearts like promises are left for lesser knowns"
"But thoughts they change and times they rearrange I don't know who you are anymore
Loves come and go and this I know I'm not who you recall anymore"
"Live, I wanna live inspired
Die, I wanna die for something higher than myself"

i think i'm going to finish writing a paper and then take Anberlin and Yiruma for a long ride

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

everything you want....

so, there is this low budget indie film, with terrible acting, horrible costuming and possibly a weak plot that my roommate and i love

it is called everything you want

SPOILER ALERT... i'm going to ruin the twist in the plot right about...

now: its a story about a girl who has a boyfriend... who turns out to be imaginary. which would be fine is this was a story about a little girl. however, its not. it is about someone in college... so its kind of twisted. i mean, who does that?! but then again who doesnt... there is a part in the movie where said girl and boyfriend are talking about relationships when they say:

people rarely love others for who they really are but for what they want them to be

and so in a sense each of us has that imaginary person. the person we build up to be more than they really are and so when they dont turn out to be exactly what we imagined we get disappointed. or we compare all others to that person and of course they do not measure up

and i suppose by we i mean i and by us i mean i...
and its stopped me from being able to really like anyone for quite some time. i start to get interested in someone and i just pick them apart flaw by flaw... because it's easier than taking a chance. shooting something down before it has started seems to hurt a lot less than previous heart breaks.

and i dont think i'm ready to start anything new... but i do think i'm ready to stop comparing...

one step at a time, right?

hey, at least i dont have an imaginary boyfriend...

but in all truth i think love is about finding that person with flaws, that drive you insane, and being able to just shake your head and laugh at them because they are so amazing you can look past all those things and see what they really are. and not try to change them, but just love them and know that they love you.
and of course that is over simplified... but, at the same time some of my favorite parts of life are the simply beautiful pieces.

some of the simple wonders:
music
longboarding
inside jokes
laughing
rocking chairs
park swings
green grass
letters
jeans, tshirt and flip flop weather
naps

wow, and there is some random.
next time maybe i'll write about something a little more complex. like chemistry, and how i discovered why diet dr pepper lifts my mood because of the amino acid in it...

maybe

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

a letter to one of the most annoying yet vital organs...

dear heart:
will you PLEASE move on to beating that fast when someone else comes along. and stop hurting when the same said person comes around. it would be much more simple.

thank you for bringing me tender moments like holding baby Davis for the first time. i know you melted today, dont worry i think the rest of me almost did too. there is something amazing about new born children and how close they are to heaven

you've broken a few too many times, but that doesnt mean you need to get harder. the number of people you have felt walk out of my life has been quite a few, but the ones who have stayed are the ones who made it worth it. where would we be if you didnt let them in ?

i know that this letter is pointless. no matter what you will always have conflict with that silly head of mine. if there is one thing you both agree on it would be the gospel of Jesus Christ. and if you ever agree on another man... well as imperfect as he might be, he will be the one who gets to stay

Sincerely,
this girl you've been holding up for 22 years now...

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

i went to get a burrito and came back with a spanish tutor...

true story.
well... kind of :)
i ran into Andy on campus (seeing people i know and love on campus is pretty much what makes my days)and we ended up eating dinner at taco bell... which brought about a discussion about Spanish... and how i need to learn it. so he randomly started throwing all these phrases at me trying to get me to understand what in the world he was saying... and then remember it. it was a mess but after it was all said and done we decided that i will learn a phrase a day...

today's:
como te llamas?
translation (rough not literal): what is your name?

and there it is :)

another topic of conversation that came up was my latest crush... a longboard.
oh how i love them.
a lot.
i officially learned how to longboard in a parking garage last night. and it was fantastic.

my friends made me wear the "special" helmet because i tend to be accident prone but... guess who was the only person to not completely biff it at least once?!

yep thats right, me :)

i think i've found my calling in life.
if only there were professional longboarders... i would drop out of college and totally take it up

but instead i will continue my late night excursions of jumping into pools, fully clothed, because we lost a bet and following it up by drinking hot chocolate, wearing guys clothes and going longboarding...

the end.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

i'm a sucker for almost anything acoustic...

love is only as secure as the good feelings between two people, and that is only as secure as the goodness of each -Daniel Campbell

i had a three hour conversation with my friend Daniel tonight about love and the ideas behind it. whether we choose to love or not, etc.

it was an enlightening conversation. i really like the philosophy behind his thinking (for the most part) and while it is obvious to see that some of his realizations have come due to harsh realities i believe the knowledge is something that will benefit him more than not.

i love the idea of love. true love. love that is unselfish, love that one doesnt have to work at constantly because they are constantly working on improving themselves and therefore as a result of that the love itself is improved. a feeling that is based upon Christ-like love and expounded to further regions as two people discover the virtues they admire in the other and are enlightened and supported. i want to be the person who helps through the hard times, not the entity that causes them.

in my religion (and i am sure this has been seen in others) there is symbolism used to show a person's relationship with God and their spouse

it looks something like this:

God



wife husband

and so one can see that the closer a person is to God the closer they become to their spouse. i also think that this has implication in the single world but the triangle would be a tad different, with a slightly different connotation


God
best choice
better choice


single person good choice

mediocre choice

lame choice

uhm, honey what were
you thinking?!


it seems like there are loads of single people who sit around making lists and hoping for an amazing person to come along when they don't do anything to better themselves. lame. work on yourself and the rest will fall into place. i'm not saying be down on yourself, have a low self-esteem or even say "when I... (insert some worthy goal here)" the right person will come along. I am simply saying if you really want to find someone who is going to fulfill your goals, shouldn't you first attempt to achieve them yourself? and if the right person takes a little longer than you thought to come around or if they never do, then oh no, you are an amazing person with talent, success and a goal oriented life. is there anything wrong with that?

i'm not trying to pretend I am anything but a hopeless romantic. because I am. But, without the right foundation in this silly little head of mine things could get out of hand quickly.

in the words of a prophet "Look to God and live"

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

short and sweet

i really dont have much time to be writing this. school is insane at the moment but i needed somewhere to vent, even if only for a moment or two.
maybe vent is the wrong word. more like take notes so i can remember these random thoughts in the future.
so... here it is:
- thank you regina spektor for writing music that isnt about love
- i am happy when i am not worrying about the details i have no control over and instead focusing on the specifics i can influence
- words can rip a relationship apart, misunderstandings and lack of communication dont serve anyone well
- trusting the Lord is sometimes so much easier said than done
- jealousy is lousy
- even the best of friends can be untrustworthy, sometimes the selfish desires of a person overpower their ability to give good advice
... that being said there is one friend who will never lead me or anyone else astray. while we are imperfect, He will perfect us. but only if we are willing to let Him.

an apostle of the Lord says it much better than I am:

God does not look on the outward appearance. I believe that He doesn’t care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God’s love encompasses us completely -Dieter F Uchtdorf

Sunday, January 24, 2010

painful realization

only in Provo could I fly a kite one night and have an epic snowball fight the next with some of the most fantastic people...

i started writing this sometime saturday morning and in between then and now i feel like my view of life has been changed drastically, but for the better.

i have this tendency in life to get careless. things get stressful and i just... shrug them off i suppose. its been a great coping mechanism for some things but it also tends to get me into trouble. example? school: i have a lot of homework, constantly. and if there isnt assigned homework then i need to be studying so i can actually get the concepts that my high school seemed to deem unimportant in the world of teaching science. but the point is sometimes i simply dont do homework or shrug off studying for a test. not ok. i realize that, and have been much better this semester than previous. anyways... last night i was driving in Provo Canyon, it was snowing, the roads were slick and yet i was going 60 mph. i was a horribly careless driver in high school but as i have gotten older and more accustomed to traffic that isnt a two way highway with no one in sight, i have become much more aware, cautious and overall a safe driver. disbelieve all you want, but those of you who have rode with me as of late would agree. i dont know what compelled me to be that immature last night... but i was... going 60 mph. i saw a curve coming up so i tapped on my brakes... and we slid and skidded and slammed into the median, hitting the front right side of the car so hard that it did a complete 360 and hit the back on the same side. i drive a manual and at this point my car had died, the keys had also fallen out of the ignition (not an uncommon occurrence) and so here we are, facing oncoming traffic and i have no idea where my keys went. i put my car in reverse and somehow it drifted just far enough off the road to be out of the way of traffic but not get stuck in the snowbank along the side. no one was hurt. my car was totaled in the sense that it would cost more than its worth to completely repair it but it is still drivable. just ugly. i was extremely blessed last night. i endangered a car full of friends and my little sister and yet we came out unscathed from it. Heavenly Father was definitely the reason behind it all. i know countless stories of people who have been going slower and hit the median causing their car to be totaled. i also know numerous stories of people being killed up in that canyon from the same sort of thing. and yet we're all ok. i can still drive my car and no other cars were involved. it has been a difficult past 24 hours for me because out of all of this i only have myself to blame and the grace of God to be grateful that we are all safe. i have come to realize how truly dependent i am upon the Lord and how fragile life can be. 21 seems pretty invincible most days but last night i realized how delicate my body is, how quickly things can change and how seemingly small acts can have devastating consequences. i dont know why it is the Lord preserved me and my car from my impulsive actions but i am ready to live less lackadaisically in order to fulfill His purpose in blessing me with minor damage to my car and little to no injuries.

flying kites and snowball fights: check.

speeding in bad weather to get to... well anywhere: not so much.

lesson learned:
life being difficult is no reason to become careless

i just hope i dont have to learn this one again

Individual and collective trials may sometimes seem overwhelming. That is when we need, more than ever, to draw near unto the Lord. As we do, we will come to know what it means to have the Lord draw near unto us. As we seek Him ever more diligently, we will surely find Him. We will see clearly that the Lord does not abandon His Church or His faithful Saints. Our eyes will be opened, and we will see Him open the windows of heaven and shower us with more of His light. We will find the spiritual strength to survive even during the darkest night.
-Dieter F Uchtdorf

Saturday, January 2, 2010

oh the new year...

its the new year which of course makes me stop and think about 2009 and then onto 2010 and what it will hold
this past year was anything but expected, so many things happened that i still just kind of shake my head at, but i have learned to find a lot more joy in living and in the experiences that i have been given.

i love the relationship i have with my heavenly father
i love the relationship i have with Emily my little sister
i love the friendships i have and the people i have them with

i am excited for school to start again
i am excited for my new exercise program
i am excited for the part i have in changing the world

things i want to do better this year:
1. planning and time management
2. trusting the right people and in the right amount
3. studying and learning

things i did well last year:
1. accepting the difficult things that i needed to do
2. being more compassionate
3. recycling

music: i continue to be amazed by the amazing artists, lyrics,and musicality of it all

movies: i have been highly disappointed as of late. if they dont get better i'm going to start boycotting anything made after 2006


here's to an awesome year of potential turned to reality

why hello 2010