Sunday, December 27, 2009

mediation poetry

tonight at meditation we were asked to write two poems. the first we were asked to look into the eyes of the person across from us, and really study them and then in six lines write what we saw. the second poem we were asked to sit and think about what we would see if we were to look into the eyes of God (or mother earth or Buddah... whatever your beliefs may be) and write that in six lines. i really enjoyed this and thought i would share. i was also really surprised by what the person who wrote the poem about me saw...

my first poem:
Blue-Eyed Hawaii

eyes full of deep knowing, yet young searching
you seem to have rays of hope and sun
truthfully yearning a want
to smile, create, live, be
there is a stubborn strength
and yet... above all: truth you seek

the poem about me:
Heather of eyes pure
mischievous, elfen soul, full of knowledge and wisdom
off to the forest she scatters to gather her forces
rising above the matter of earth bound issues
full of light, inspired by force
she presses on in this cold, frozen tundra, full of rich warm souls
she will reign again

my second poem:
Alah (or Daddy)

the only Father I've really known
the truth of your love sublime
your eyes hint of laughter, lined with sorrow
your arms waiting to embrace
forgiveness, mercy, kind grace
the gentle strength I need to survive

group mediation

tonight i went to group meditation for the first time
it was an amazing experience and i really enjoyed it, not quite what i expected, which is a good thing. and i learned a bit more about myself
we spent a lot of the time interacting with one another and learning things about ourselves through writing and discussion
one of my favorite parts of this group is that the lady who runs it believes that the main objective in mediation is to draw closer to the Savior, and to try and become like Him
she talked about how when a person meditates it opens them up to supernatural phenomenons like having dreams about things that happen in the future, knowing things before they occur etc. she then explained that while these are fun to experience we can direct that energy towards drawing closer to the Savior and receiving spiritual gifts. I have had some things like that occur in my life but have never connected the two. I am grateful for yet another way to draw closer to my Savior

Saturday, December 26, 2009

a very Merry Christmas indeed. . .

Yesterday was fantastic. definitely anything but conventional. but I met a lot of different people and the spirit of Christmas was definitely there. the birth of Christ is one of the things I am most grateful for in my life because of everything that has stemmed from it. all the things that have come about in my life alone are miraculous and then i think of the people i love and how their lives and changed because of the Savior and I "stand all amazed"

things i truly enjoyed yesterday:
-french toast at 12am. my sister and i wanted to eat breakfast together and then decided that we didnt want to wait for the morning since we were awake anyways. french toast, turkey sausage, egg nog and the christmas story, we started the day out right
-getting to hear my little brothers open their presents over the phone. i asked my mom to call me and let me hear them open the presents i helped pick out. it was fantastic :)
-watching a kinght's tale. how i love that movie... i think Emily and i have decided to make this a Christmas tradition.
-eating all kinds of yummy food but especially stuffing and peppermint chocolate... Mmmmmmm
- meeting amazing people who inspire me to go on adventures and continue to develop who i am (I met someone who is going back to Africa this summer to backpack medical supplies into villages that are unreachable otherwise and I met another someone who was American in Cuba right after the bay of Pigs, saw Fidel Castro and made it out unscathed to tell the tale)
- being reminded of everything i have been blessed with because of the birth of the Savior


yeah... Christmas was pretty memorable this year

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever not believeth in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life

Monday, December 14, 2009

a little bit brutaly honest...

I am 21 years old and single.

There is nothing wrong with that, I have had a lot of fun and have gained many experiences in my young adult life that I wouldnt have had I been in a relationship or married (like serving a mission) and while its not the right path for some, it was for me.

all this time I told myself I was being smart and I was too independent to want to settle down anytime soon. while that was partially true it was definitely not the whole of it, and I think I only came to that conclussion (at least conscienciously) quite recently.

the truth is this: I have been scared to death of marriage and relationships. I see these constant failures all around me and think 'what a mess, no thank you!' and while I have some wonderful examples of success, until recently (ok... so yesterday) I have been so focused on the negative I failed to see the rest. this crippling thought that I will be what I have witnessed seems to have come between any relationship I have had or even thought of having. deep down I think I was sabotaging these relationships merely in order to get out of them.

I get that now... I wish I would have before I hurt the people I have but I am glad to be learning it now. I suppose life could have been a lot easier had I understood what was going on before but thats what this life is all about... learning and growing and most importantly doing something with that knowledge.

so here it is: I'm no longer going to let the fear of those in my life failure's control the outcome of my future. I have some amazing examples of marriage that I can choose to focus on, including a million amazing ways NOT to do it. I have the scriptures and the voice of modern day prophets that I can follow and I have some wise people who are willing to give solid counsel in my life. Above all I have the power of prayer and the right to receive answers to and guidance from said prayers.

it is such a relief to come to this conclussion. although i feel like i had a v8 moment (you know, the commercial where they hit themselves on the forehead and say "could've had a V8)

whenever it is I get married I know it wont be perfect, but I also know it doesnt have to be a complete disaster.

doink! couldve had a V8. . .

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAKlahoma...

oh man... this trip has been insane. but i love it :)
my nieces and little brothers crack me up! and i have missed some one on one time with my mom and sister-in-law. my girl Andrea has made things almost absolutely perfect... the only thing that would make it better is if i got to see Kris, Matt Brianne and baby Chris while here...

"so one day I was fixing my hair with hairspray and i looked in the mirror and thought I look sexy" (Benji the 5 year old)

"melanie, you need to eat at least two more bites of that" "uhm, my mom says i'm full" (me and my 5 year old neice)

"Benji, go get daddy" "I cant, he's talking to the Lord and says i'm not supposed to interrupt"


now Andrea is amazing, i could just say that and say 'nuff said but... that girl , ah! love her :D anyways... she took me out on a date (sorry boys, but its been the best date thus far) to Toby Keith's I love this bar and grill and afterwords we went to Bass Pro Shop (what single mid-20 year old girls go into that store?! oh yes, we do :) where i pretty much conned her into taking a picture with Santa and me (see current fb profile picture) and we had plenty of girl talk. i get to see her again tomorrow and i am soo excited!!! thank heavens she lives so close to my rents.

Oklahoma has helped me realize a lot about myself in general. its nice to be able to come here with a clear head and have time to really think things out

well its tired and i'm late...
night!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

in the air

Wondrous abilities of time
You twist, change pace and reveal
The things I cherish and appall
Pressing lines into faces and healing into hearts
Leaving some alone and others with more than enough
Are you fair time? Does it matter?
When shall I discover the more intricate parts of you?
Is there really a possibility of traveling through your capacities?
Mysterious, interfering and all together out of my control

Saturday, December 5, 2009

so there was this one time...

last night i made a mad dash to pack, this morning i got up bright and early to shower and then head to the airport. i have all my stuff packed, ipod fully charged with fresh music, new book in hand ready to be in OKC by 1:30.

i am still sitting at my house.

why you might ask? well... because i lost my plane ticket. just print out another copy you might say... that would work if i was flying on a regular ticket. but i'm not, i fly standby on an employee pass so i have to have the actual ticket to fly. i have searched every inch of my living space and my car. i have called random people who have been at my house in the past 24 hours, hoping they accidentally picked it up. i had that ticket, in hand, less than 48 hours ago. i know exactly where i put it. well at least i thought i did. now im going to head back to bed and then wake up and once again dissect every inch of my bedroom.

it feels great to be a genius.
brilliant.