Wednesday, September 30, 2009

i love it when. . .

its raining outside, i'm sipping some hot cocoa, the leaves are all changing colors, i have this awesome view of the mountainside and i have just discovered some new music
ladies and gentlemen....
Matt Pond PA

Sunday, September 27, 2009

dont waste your life . . .

"dont spend your life trying to look like her. spend your life becoming like Him"

i love this quote and things like this are why i love being a member of the LDS church. the whole point of this life isnt to see how beautiful i can become (looks wise), how many guys i can trick into liking me, how many girls i can out look and out last, the amount of clothes i obtain, or whether or not i have the newest threads, electronics, car, deocrations, ect.

and no i'm not saying we shouldnt take care of ourselves, or have nice things. but if that becomes our main focus we have truly lost ourselves. and how does this make a person happy. its so cliche that i'm surprised more people havent caught on. if you have everything in the world and have alienated yourself from others, whats the use?? happiness brings success, not the other way around. and being truly happy means helping others, meditation, trying to constantly improve in the right ways, ect. . . its interesting to me that we have so many feel good movies produced by hollywood but i think most days the people who are acting could be a lot more happy if they would let those rolls flow into their lives. am i suggesting i know everything about happiness, or that i would even want to tell these people how to run their lives? no. i just see their hurt and pain, getting more lost everyday. and i wish they knew what it was that would make them smile.

"happiness is the object and design of our existence" -Joseph Smith Jr.

if someone like Joseph Smith, who whether you believe what he taught or not had a life FULL of trials and persecution can say that i'm pretty sure we can all find happiness in our lives.
i remember when Paul Rusesabagina came and spoke at a forum at BYU a few years ago.(he is the man who ran the hotel that the movie Hotel Rwanda was based upon) i cannot begin to imagine the horror of things he had seen or felt. and yet, you see him now and he is a happy person. he finds joy in the simple things in life.
"I sometimes sit down and thank God. I was sure of one thing in 1994. I was sure that I was going to be killed. Fortunately I was not killed. Now I call the time from 1994 to today a bonus. It's just a bonus."
If Mr. Rusesabagina can thank God after all he's seen and been through, still look for hope in humanity, and continue to fight for what is right, what excuse do i have?

there are countless stories of people like Joseph Smith and Paul Rusesabagina, who, in spite of it all can remain happy and remember what is important in life. we have no excuse.

if you really want to be happy stop trying to become something that isnt worth measuring up to and start living for what matters.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

one of these days. . .

you will remember how amazing i am
and if its not too late
youre going to have to prove to me that you mean it
that it isnt some fling
like you said

because i know it wasnt
and one day you will too
but maybe...
it will be too late

either way,
i will end up where i'm supposed to
with who i'm supposed to

either way

Sunday, September 20, 2009

throughout this week my brain has felt like someone wanted to make scrambled eggs out of it. i literally feel like someone took a wire whisk and swirled my brain around for a little bit.
i missed big events
i attended others
i saw someone who completely confuses me three times and thought about said person even more
i tried to figure out what to say to said person
and what not to say to a lost friend who is in dire need of help
i studied math for 5 hours straight and tried to study bio for that long as well
i went to class when it wasnt required and missed when it was
i hiked up a mountain and only didnt give in to slowing down or all together quitting because i was with a bunch of guys and didnt want them to think i was a wuss
i then ran the last two miles back... and only one of the guys managed to keep up

so somewhere in between massive amounts of studying, over analyzing (i've finally given in to the realization that i over analyze most things in my life) and running around trying to get everything i needed and wanted to get done
my brain became scrambled eggs.

i'm done
no more scramble
i'm just going to let things happen how they will and make sure i do my best to increase my chances for success

after all... what else is there?

Monday, September 14, 2009

music as a therapy

for those of you who know me...
my life is anything but conventional. and most days i am more than grateful for that. but sometimes... it all gets overwhelming.
some people turn to food, others to drugs or drinking, others to adrenaline or a psychologist. me?
my favorite thing to do is take my ipod, fill it with whatever music fits my mood, put some tennis shoes on and take off.
i've gotten away from that, mostly because of surgery and back issues. but i really want to get back into it.

especially in the rain
and now that autumn is here, it seems the crisp air is calling my name

maybe this will get me out of the funk i seem to have fallen into lately. it seems the harder i try the further i fall

and with my music i can by angry, say mean things and be done. be heartbroken, cry and wish for what was or pretend to key a guys car, laugh because i have the best friends or just have one of those days. no one to judge. and i dont even have to think sometimes. yes, music, you are better than any person with a clipboard trying to tell me why and what.

here i go... running with

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

misconceptions of childhood...

#1 you can be anything you want to be when you grow up
when i was in kindergarten i wanted to be a firetruck, my teacher informed me that was impossible. maybe this is why it took so long for me to decide on a career... i had my heart set and then crushed at such a young age

#2 God blessed the sacrament
in my religion we take the sacrament every week. the guys who bless it arent in view while it is being blessed. i totally thought it was God talking until i was idk... i just remember being devastated it was a 16ish year old kid and not the man upstairs Himself. kind of shook my faith... but apparently i got over it

#3 eating watermelon seeds are how people get pregnant
thank you older brothers...
somehow this made since in my mind until the ripe age of seven, when i then discovered that duh people dont get pregnant by eating watermelon, they get pregnant by kissing!! after all where else would a condom fit?

#4 bagels were donuts
its true... at one point in my life my mom was pretty strict about things like sugar. im sure it was good for me. and im sad to say i have let some things slip. two of my favorite foods involve taco bell and flavored ice pops

i'm sure there are several more... its interesting to see how much a person lives in their own world as a child. i'd like to think as i've gotten older the misconceptions of my own brain have faded away... but i kind of think that they have been replaced with others. and those will eventually fall away and lead to more. one of the truest statements i have come across is that the older i get the less i know