Tuesday, August 18, 2009

my vice

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy...

naw i didnt write that. but its oh so true. sunday night i had a friend say that he thought you could never trust people too much... until he met me. i conveyed this to another friend, who agreed. at first, i was confused. i am skeptical about many things... but thinking about it, i probably put more trust in people than most. and get burned more than most. last night after a particularly painful episode of experiencing trust once again broken i was sitting there thinking what is it that causes this to happen? how do i get myself into these situations and get blind sided by a sudden loss of trust time and time again. and as my brain was twisting through the alleged reasons i came to this: i get hurt more than most people, because i trust more than you probably think i should. but i have also had relationships with others than most will ever experience, let alone understand. i think the reasoning behind trust stemmed from the curiosity of wanting to discover what people are truly like, where the reasoning behind their thought processes comes from, why they choose to make certain choices and where they think life will lead them. i trust others in order to more fully understand them. and when i crash and burn is when i misunderstand and misinterpret, which i believe comes from assuming other people think like i do. that they dont play games, that girls are particularly malicious when it comes to competing... or that they compete over the things that they do, especially the opposite sex. why? that maybe i wont understand but will always be surprised by. anyways, i think each time i get burned i learn a little more. and to be a part of the truly intimate moments in a person's life, to see what raw human emotion, from my stance that is worth the pain of the imperfections of the nature of humans

yes i trust. sometimes more than others think i should. maybe one day we will find a comfortable balance