Monday, June 5, 2017

Hazel turns 2!

Our dearest Hazel Evangeline,
                                       We are so grateful to have you in our lives. Your squeaky voice, spunky personality, the way you have a special relationship with each member of the family, your love for music; especially dancing, the way you choose to climb up to the tallest slide every time, and declare your love for the color pink loudly, the way you say "Lobe you!" and give little kisses, the way you fight tooth and nail for what you want, even if it is the toy your brother has, how you enjoy eating bread and your favorite drink is water... each one of these things contribute to who you are.

Thank you for being a part of our lives these past two years. I remember jogging around with a fussy baby at 4AM wondering if I would ever sleep again... and here you are sleeping through the night. No, I do not wish I could go back to those sleepless nights. But I do wonder when you think you will be too old to crawl into bed with big brother, or mom and dad.

I love the relationship you have with your brother and sister. You chase after Roland and imitate so much of what he does. You hug and squeeze Zelda, sometimes a bit too tight. But they both absolutely adore you.

The way you look at me, makes me want to take on the world, and show you just what it is you can accomplish.

We are excited to see where you take this life Teeny. Happy 2nd Birthday darling girl.

Friday, May 26, 2017

No one deserves to be forgotten...

The past few weeks we have been purging and downsizing our personal items. As we sort through memories and mess it is easy to reflect on our life the past seven years.

It is interesting to see things that were once so important that no longer hold a purpose for us. Whether we outgrew them (here's to you RocknPlay, and all the times you helped our baby sleep longer), or they just don't fit in our priorities (I'm talking to you half finished crafts).

Call it depression, call it perspective; but when a life is shortened or an ideal falls short the trivial seems to fall to the wayside.

Adam's ashes are still sitting in our glove compartment. I know they aren't him, but at the same time it is what we have left. I haven't figured out where to scatter them, so I leave them there as part of a memory to a song we used to sing about the wrong name for said compartment. We say hello whenever we open it, where he sits among extra napkins and proof of insurance.

We were supposed to take family pictures last month, but I couldn't bring myself to get in front of the camera. So our photographer chased our littles around instead.

Hazel turns two tomorrow, and I hate that I can't fully enjoy the celebration. I promise I am trying.

I suppose that can sum up most of my life right now; I promise, I am trying.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

We've got it going on...

There are moments in the life that I can look at and see a definitive before and after; almost as if a line was drawn, a physical marker was made. Birth, death, love, loss, all the cliches apply. They apply because it is a universal thing to adapt and grow based on situations evolving.

Meeting that lifelong friend, breaking up with my first serious boyfriend, deciding to attend a college thousands of miles from home... these were some of my first truly independent choices.

But the biggest before and after in my life is dating Gabe. Notice I didn't say marrying him... because I can recall the exact moment I knew I was going to marry him, and it was years before things played out. That boy (then) changed my world in all the right ways.

I don't believe in other people being necessary to complete us, but I do believe the right ones can enhance every aspect of our being.

Gabe does just that.